Scream Above the Sounds
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2019-01-01 22:50:47 (UTC)

Thank God 2018 Is Over!

Last night was fun, emotional and a damn right mess. A few heated arguments and overreactions but I think everything ended okay and today is a new day so hopefully it's all forgotten about. I'm SO glad to leave 2018 behind, it was easily the worst year I've ever endured. I want to make this year great, I really do. I'm so motivated to make something of myself and be a better person, I'm 28 in 2 weeks, I can't continue to fuck around and waste away like this. I've gotta be better.

I did my first proper run/workout yesterday, it was pretty tough but I was happy to grind it out. It can only get better from here on, right? I ran about 2km I think and I can't lie, it was hard. I feel I need to manage my breathing a bit better because I just sound exhausted and as if I'm about to die. Whilst my fit friend (no homo) is hardly making any noise whatsoever, admittedly my friend runs 5k's and stuff like that but I don't know. It just makes me feel incredibly unfit (which I obviously am). I'm desperate to improve my stamina. It all starts tomorrow! In regards to what I did yesterday, I have some notes that I put in my phone :-

EZ curl 5kg x2
Hammercurl 10kg per arm
Benchpress 8kg per arm

Maybe this is all laughable, I don't really know? I just know it's a start and things can only get better. I've seen pictures of my dad when he was younger, my age and maybe a little bit younger and he was SO lean. He really let himself go, he isn't really fat but he's big. I don't want to find myself getting like that. I already feel how much more fatter my face is and I just feel really uncomfortable and miserable. I don't want to be like this anymore. I can't wait for my friend to start setting goals for me, maybe I'll take progress pictures and hopefully, HOPEFULLY I will finally start feeling comfortable and looking good! I feel like this is going to do wonders for my mental health too. I didn't get home until 6am this morning and I woke up about 2pm and I was honestly aching all over, it felt good though. I'm really looking forward to keeping this up. I just hope I can find some motivation and really keep at it when he goes back to work.

Aside from fitness, I'm going to try and get a proper job. I haven't taken any shifts at this bar work place yet because none of them have been really local to me and I've been expected to make my own way to these places and they are in Bristol/England and it's just not realistic. I really do regret quitting my job but it's whatever, it is what it is. I can't change it and I had to get out of there anyway. We've been through this before, I had to get the fuck out of there. I need to find something realistic and stable, so I have solid income. So fitness, a stable new job and kick the hell out of this college course; move onto Access next season and truly push myself. Kick down every fucking wall I find myself at and really dig and pursue the things I want and need to do.

I hope everybody had an amazing new year and wish you the best for 2019. Let's make plans and stick to them!


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