Experienced Life
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2018-12-31 00:15:56 (UTC)

Can't sleep

I have a lot to do tomorrow. I work but I'm sort of hosting a New Years Eve get together at my home. Mostly only my core friends that I've known for decades now. You know, I think about my friends and compare them to my romantic relations. I can't seem to figure it out. I'm great with friends. I have awesome friends. Friends that got your back when you need them and vice-versa. We trust each other and we don't lie to each other. It's seems I've been so lucky to find friends like these.

Then when I try to find that special someone, I seem to muck it up. I honestly don't know what happens. For you reader, you may think it might have something to do with the sex dept since that's things you don't do with your friends. But I look back and that par that been pretty good too. Whomever I was going with, she would always have an orgasm or two. I have no issues with a certain body part getting soft or finishing too early.

So why can't I seem to keep a special relationship? Last one only lasted about a year. I move in this city in late in 97. I have friends since 98 and they are the ones coming to my get together tomorrow. We trust each other. We love each other as friends. We'd do almost anything for each other, etc, etc, etc.

So it seems easy enough that I apply the same set of moral, trust, honesty, and the whole sha-bang to my lover too. In fact, I'd give even more since they would be that special person. So why didn't it last just as well as all my friends that I have. I was just as honest and maybe even more to her as my friends. I was more reliable, more trustworthy and pretty much treated her or even my ex wife even better than my friends.

So why didn't it last? What happened? I met "M' here on this website and we already have a bond of friendship that I truly love and care for. So again, I found another great friend. So lucky and I trust her as she trusts me. We share out deepest pains and don't judge each other for our differences. Again, I ask if it's so easy to have great friends, why can't I do the same with a lover? I ask because I don't know. I thought to find that special love, you do what I do the same as friends with the exception of the intimacy and certain other things. But doesn't the trust, honesty, reliability, caring, dependability, etc, etc, still apply in a love that you'd apply to a friend? I half ask because I'm confused.

Actually, "M" is a catch. She is a hottie. She actually is someone that is special. She is trustworthy. She is independent. She's a caring soul. I'm lucky to have her as a friend. She is everything a guy could want. But she lives at least over a thousand miles away. haha. So reality snaps back into play. We are friends. Virtual friends I guess?

Eventually, she and I will grow out of this slump we are in and we'll go on our merry way in life. Nothing will stop her. She will be fine. She just doesn't know it yet. Who knows where I'll be? Probably making great friends still. That is the knack I seem to have that I'm good at. People seem to trust me. Not really hard to do. Just keep your promises. Be trustworthy, caring, and just pretty much a nice guy. That isn't really a hard thing to be.

I know I'm babbling on. I had some wine but not tired. I'm actually worried about my friend "M". She's in a slump and it bothers me that I can't help my friends. That's pretty much the only things consistent in my life that I've had. Now I have a friend that is hurting and I can't do jack poop to help her. I can't take her to coffee. I can't take her to go wine tasting. I can't sit across a table and just listen to her pain and be there to comfort her. I can't do anything for her and it's bugging the heck out of me. Now it feels the one thing I'm good at I can't even do that now. I hate it when my friends aren't doing well. It bugs the heck out of me. I feel helpless. I wish I could take he pain away from her and let me have it. I'm getting used to it so it may as well be me.

I hope tomorrow is a better day for my friend "M'". She way more than deserves it.

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