Canadian Cutie

Life through my spiritual eyes❤️
2018-12-30 17:56:31 (UTC)

In order for the light to shine..

Listening to: Perfect - My Darkest Days..
I was fine right before I met her
Never hurt and nothing could control me
You know I tried but I can’t regret her
She’s the first, ask anyone who knows me
Terrified that she’d find my heart and break it
Paralyzed by the thought of her with someone else..
(good song, love the beat)

It's now evening and I have finished everything I had to do. I dropped off everything for the women's shelter here and ran to Walmart. Stopped at the grocery store, met my girlfriend who's recently married for coffee and came home, finished the laundry, last load is in the dryer, I cooked dinner too and it's almost done but I am not hungry. I did eat half a bowl of soup today and a few bites of yogurt this morning. I am trying to get my calories up a bit but stress is horrible on my body, mostly my tummy.

Still having an off day. Fought back tears several times today. When I met my girlfriend today.. She asked me how I am doing "for real" as she put it. That's when I cried. She just listened. She's a good person.

Tomorrow is new years eve and I decided to stay home, stay in.. I will make appetizers for here but I think I need to just stay in. I don't feel like being in crowds nor do I feel in a celebratory mood. I just want 2018 to go quietly.

I did some writing in my submissive journal about an area I struggled with as a submissive. I often perceived the way I show love as the way I should be shown love. I thought because I show affection and love a certain way. I assume I should receive it the same way when actuality .. Everyone expresses love differently. One may say it more, one may show it more through things they do. I needed to ask myself what 'perception type’ I am and which my partner is, can be a big help in understanding conflicts. Not only when it is about the expression of emotions and care, but in communication in general. I have done a lot of research on this topic, communication in general. I have learned how I myself failed my past relationships, takes two but I can see where my issues contributed to the downfall of my relationship. I only hope I continue to learn and grow and become the submissive I know I am.

I also been watching more on psychic abilities and "opening your third eye"....it's been quite intriguing. I have done some research on how to handle a mass of emotions when in public places.. I realized that most times I felt down or drained after going out it was the impact my empathy has on me, those aren't "my" emotions but emotions I absorb and perceive as my own. I need to find a way to guard myself from absorbing others feelings as my own. It's difficult but from what I am seeing..it can be done.

Tonight I am just going to relax and do more reading, research, maybe take a hot bath and give myself a facial, maybe a pedicure..I need some pampering. Oddly enough, every time I am writing the song "Just give me a reason" by Pink comes on..

Below is a few quotes I found on tumblr.. I loved them and wanted to save it..
"It's interesting to note the most kind and courageous souls you meet in life tend to be those who've faced the most cruelty and conflict. This vicious world might sharpen us like a blade but whether we use that power to protect people or cause them pain is always our choice" ~ Beau Taplin
"In order for the light to shine so brightly, the darkness must also be present" ~Francis Bacon

Hope everyone has a wonderful evening.. <3