My Memos To The Void
2018-12-29 16:07:09 (UTC)

man, my heart aches. ..

man, my heart aches.
there is no oxygen without you breathing it with me
i would kill to have your arms wrapped around me
to hear you whisper cheesy jokes into my ear
i was so happy
i felt like the sunshine
or like a dancing bee
and now ive turned into a hurricane
out of control, dark, reckless, destructive
a bee dancing is now a wasp swarming
i am angry
i am hurt
i felt the pit drop out of my stomach
ive not slept
i cant even go to work
how many hours have i even been outside this mental hospital for?
this night lasts forever
i am bored and the alcohol doesnt numb me
the pain of a blade doesnt phase me
the tears dont sting
they just run like a river
down my throat, which chokes on the words i want to say
i press the call button five hundred times
and hang up right away
i want to hear your voice damnit
but its late and i already seem crazy
fuck me.
as always.
i dont deserve anything beautiful
i wont get a wonderful love story
i wont get kisses in the rain
i will never see a dozen roses
i will never gasp in surprise as i see a ring pulled out for me
so fuck me
and fuck love
and fuck hope
i wanna die
i just want to fucking die