Canadian Cutie

Life through my spiritual eyes❤️
2018-12-27 16:35:09 (UTC)

The heart wants what it wants

“Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength." ~ Mahatma Gandhi

Listening to: What the heart wants - Selena (love the intro to this)

Today was a slow day at work..but it was a good day overall. I kept thinking about what I had to do after work and that made the drag on. I kept thinking and rehearsing what I was going to say. I exchanged a few emails here to the friends I have made and had a few laughs. I was given recognition for my work from my boss because of reviews left..this one is separate from the one I received just before Christmas. It's nice to feel like I am doing something good after all the fuckups I been making lately. My boss said.."hiring you was my best decision professionally this year"....It felt good to hear but it reminded me of something said to me on a similar note. It made me tear up a bit.. I am glad that my boss saw it as coming from what He said..when actuality it was from old ghosts popping up. The rest of work went good and I managed to leave a few mins early.
I don't want to get into what happened today when I met up with the Dom B.. I don't know how to put into words what happened, what was said but I did what I had to.
I also had an appointment with my shrink today. Was a bit emotional as my mind was all over the place. About life, Christmas, future... He said something that made me feel think..He said "I have known you most of your adult life and you have had a world of shit casted at you and every time, you have managed to land on your feet, you are far stronger than you give yourself credit for". My shrink is very familiar with the bdsm lifestyle so it's easier to talk about things like that with Him. I hear so many good things said about me but when it comes to thinking the same about myself I struggle. I am still that little girl seeking approval from everyone. I asked Him why.. He said "because you hold on to the one negative someone will say and use their words as gospel, you let other's define who and what you are, define yourself, validate yourself and if my opinion matters, trust me when I say you are an amazing person with a good heart and not a mean bone in you".....ok at that point I cried lol.. because it felt good to hear..and again reminded me something someone said once. I gave him a hug before I left and left feeling better that I could get it all off my chest.
I am home now and just about to make dinner... I really need to get my eating back on track. I have not eaten today aside from a candy cane at work. I am down 17 pounds and one pant size. That's a definite bonus to having no appetite lol. People are really noticing the weight loss.. some saying I should stop trying to lose anymore, some saying I look really good. Either way I am still focused on my goals and getting to where I want to be. I am doing this for me, nobody else.
Tonight I am not sure what I am going to do... I work again in the morning then off for a few days. Going to go start dinner.. May update later.

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