Canadian Cutie

Life through my spiritual eyes❤️
2018-12-27 07:42:52 (UTC)

Night time thoughts

Listening to: Chasing Cars - Snow Patrol

Typical Day, gym, shower home and tea.. My workout was good..intense.. Gym still slow..for now, til the resolution gang shows up on Jan 1st lol. I slept well but I laid in bed last night and just thought as I listened to music. I have sorted out some things in my head...one being.. I am not ready to move on with the Dom B. I will tell Him today when I meet Him for coffee. I owe Him that. He is a wonderful Man and everything a submissive could want..but my heart isn't in it. My heart isn't healed. My heart is still with my ex despite His hatred for me and His ability to move on so quick, I am not Him. He had my whole heart and my future in His hands and now I am trying to figure out how to stand on my own again and what my future looks like. I need time to heal and get myself to a place where I can say I am ready. This back and forth isn't fair to B nor myself. I don't know how He will handle it. I'm sure hurt in some ways as He's admitted He cares for me and I do care for Him as a friend but I am not ready to give my submission and I don't give my heart away easily. I don't give myself in general easily. I have found I hold back talking about daily things with Him, my life ect with Him where in the past we shared everything. Hell, He doesn't even know about this journal. I am not in a place to share like that, even my Christmas being crap.. I didn't tell Him as I don't feel that personal connection. He tells me everything but I am more reserved. I want to respect my past relationship and take the time I need to heal and find myself again. I am in no rush to submit again. I know I am healing but I am just not ready. I hope He will understand. He deserves someone who adores Him for the amazing Man He is. Anyways, I am babbling and repeating myself so I will end it here lol.
I hope work goes by quickly.. Hopefully phones stay quiet as my head is just not in the game. I am dreading this conversation with Him as I hate to hurt anyone.

This quote below was sent to me by my best friend, Made me smile..I am thankful for him
and my gfs...I am also thankful for SS.. He's been my breakup buddy who's become a good friend :) .. btw..SS...A wants to know where you been, they miss you lol :P

“And one day she discovered that she was fierce, and strong, and full of fire, and that not even she could hold herself back because her passion burned brighter than her fears.” – Mark Anthony

Well off to get ready for work. Wish me luck lol. Will update tonight.
Have a wonderful day all <3