Life through my spiritual eyes❤️
Microwaves and Mattress's
Listening to: Perfect - My Darkest Days
(love this song, good song to dance around the house to lol)
I slept hard and woke at 6am and worked out til 8:45.. I haven't gained at all over Christmas, actually lost..but then again I have not eaten much lately. I was so excited for turkey dinner yesterday but once it was on my plate.. 2 bites and I couldn't eat anymore :( My brother and His wife were going on how much weight I have lost and I am losing too much and kept pushing food on me.. I just have no appetite. When I woke my eyes were puffy this morning from crying myself to sleep. I put on a cold cream and will all day as you can definitely tell I have been crying lol.
I woke feeling better mentally and I have learned..you cant control others or what they do, say.. I can only control how I react.
I also woke from a text this morning from B... Was nice..He's really easy to talk to but I have not told Him about yesterday or really my feelings in general..aside from being afraid. I just don't feel ready to open into my life that deeply yet. We texted for a bit before bed and He's more determined than ever to have me as His.. Truthfully I don't know if I am ready but I do enjoy talking and feeling cared for. He told me yesterday randomly he does care for me. He asked me if I ever see myself caring for Him..I do care for Him but I am not in love with Him.. My heart is still elsewhere so I told Him I do care but I just can't say I am in love (because I am not). He sent me a copy of a D/s contract He uses. He has used it with His former submissives and it's the type of D/s He adherer's to. He asked me to read it and see if there were anything I would change or add. I agreed to read it and give my input. He asked what changes in my life I wanted help with. He wanted to help me achieve my dreams/goals. He said when the time comes (I said I notice you say "when", not "if", He laughed and said yep lol) He will adjust the contract to specifically fit our needs. He is well respected in the bdsm community. I had no idea the ties into the community He has..He and I both know the leader of the bdsm community here. I have known Him since I have known bdsm and He was the one who mentored me, was my protector for many years. B is a protector of another sub. She and I spoke..she reached out and we have connected. She is really nice and has only good things to say about B. I am not into munch's and play parties ect..and He understands that. He said He use to attend but doesn't any longer although some of His close friends are indeed in the lifestyle. It all sounds good and genuine but I am just not ready.
I am starting my focus on my 2019 goals.. I am not waiting til new years to start my focus, I am starting now. 2018 was good all year but didn't end as good as I wanted..But I lost focus on my goals I wanted to achieve by the end of the year so I am refocused and 2019 will be my year. Part of my resolution is to stop living in the past, stop dwelling and focus on what's in front of me and live my best life.
o0o Come Undone by My Darkest Days on now.. Absolutely love this song too :)
Today I am off work.. So I am going to go shopping for a new microwave. I need a new microwave but I wanted a mounted one, low profile, slim and a mattress, I need a new one. So that is my day planned.. I should get started.
Hope everyone has a good day! <3