Experienced Life
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2018-12-23 08:40:13 (UTC)

Reading someone else's diary

I found a diary that I sort of skimmed through. He's been posting about the same time I was. About 9 years now. He too started sort of like me. He was at the end of his marriage and knew a divorce was coming. He was with his wife for wayyyyy longer though. He's older too but otherwise, we had similar issues.

He did what other folks do when getting a divorce. Downsized, trying to pick up the pieces, friends and neighbors changed after moving, etc, etc. He was and is taking depression meds and seeing a psychiatrist. I'm not. He is on disability, and I'm not. But.... this dude after his divorce is big time depressed. He has some friends and moved to an assisted living place I'm guessing around 7 years after his divorce. He never posted anything about finding someone new.

It scare me. Is this my mirror image of what my life will be? Will I end up growing old alone, taking meds, living in an assisted living place? Growing old just to die without the passion of finding someone to love again? Not possibly living with anyone to save a lot of money to go on awesome trips to other Countries? Just end up buying a condo maybe and living to die?

Yeah..... it scares me to think I may be on that path too. I mean it's so freaking possible that this is my path also. Oh fuck!! Am I supposed just crawl into a corner wither and let my soul dry up and die like this guy too? We have similar issues. We two aren't too different in what happened to us. This person's diary is called "Jon" I think. I don't know. Maybe this wasn't the best idea for me to follow his diary. I was looking on some possible insight since we are a little similar but now that I'm looking at my possible future, it scares the hell out of me that.

Screw it. I need to hit the gym. There is one more crossfit session for today and I'm going to make that one. My body still hurts from going 5 days in a row but it's manageable and I had a cup of coffee already.

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