Experienced Life
2018-12-23 00:33:48 (UTC)

It's late and the ego is in full swing

Yes, the Ego is out. I can't sleep. So this shit is in full swing. I mean all the doubt, self loathing, recalling the past, regrets, yada yada yada. All the worse monsters come out at night. Only thing is unlike when we were kids, the monster is inside of ourselves. I mean the Ego. Not it's calling in the dead of night in full power. Nothing to stop it.

It'll tell you that you are a loser. You will never find anyone to be with you again. You are ugly. No wonder your ex gf left you. You are stupid. You are worthless. A good for nothing mother fucking blood sucking parasite. :) You know how I can type that? It's because my parents told me that when I was a teen many times coming home at night. All I was doing was going to the roller skating rink. That was all. No drinking. NO smoking. No fucking. Just going to the roller skating rink skating my ass off. Anyway, I'm drifting huh?

I was saying that the ego is in full bloom tonight. Not fucking denying it right now. Feeling like a piece of shit like what my ego is sayin. I will die alone per Ego. Yeah, I guess it's pretty obvious I'm tired tonight. Tired of fighting. Tired of climbing that mountain. Full of doubt thanks to my ego. Not in the mood for any youtube self help videos tonight. Tonight, my Ego won. I lost. I'm the loser. Maybe it was a good idea that my ex gf broke up with me. Well, good for her. Glad she got out when it got uncomfortable. I just didn't know we are uncomfortable to begin with.

The only thing that is saving my ass right now is that one of my goody goody friend from the gym told me "this too shall pass". So.... fucking pass already. I think I earned more than enough crazy stuff for 2 fucking lifetimes. Sigh....

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