Experienced Life
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2018-12-17 16:53:21 (UTC)

Learning about fear and transient thoughts

So.. Here I am still dealing with my breakup. I'm not as messed up as before as some time has passed. I'm now dissecting the fear I had and trying to understand why a breakup is so dang ugly. Well, I am coming to an understanding that what I feared after my breakup was that my goal of having a happy home with someone to live my life with was shattered and because I could not see it happening at the moment, my fear was that I'll never be able to be with anyone or live that life of being with someone.

So I know we are our own worse critique so my ego is telling me that I can't find anyone ever again. My fear is of course the same with being alone. Why feel this way? I am now understanding that it's because I don't see it at the moment, I cannot believe it will happen. We as people think if we can't see it, it won't materialize. The unknown is not predictable so we make our own worse case scenario.

Now that I understand this, I am better able to cope with being alone. I know that chances are, like the universe that collides with other things, I too will collide (lol) or bump into someone again someday. Just not let my ego tell me anything else and don't let the usual I don't see it so it won't happen mentality be the one that convinces me otherwise.

So here I am, improving on things a little at a time. Getting better and better yet at the same time, I'm fighting with my ego nipping at me in the butt telling me other negative things. I just wish life wasn't such a fight. I just wish sometimes I just can hit the easy button. I've fought tooth and nail for everything from finances, mental stability, overcoming hardships, etc, etc, etc. I wish just one time I get a free pass on easy street. Just once.