Scream Above the Sounds
A Lonely Late Night
I'm officially in "Lets fuck up the body clock" mode. It's 2:25am as I write this, college is pretty much done and dusted for Christmas now. Our final day is on Tuesday and I'm debating whether to go in or not, I probably will. Tuesday is my favourite day and I really like my teachers. Sociology is becoming pretty interesting and I'm leaning towards taking that access course so much more, knowing I can study that a bit further. I've spoken to a bunch of people regarding studying A-Levels. They have all told me to just bite the bullet and do one year of access so that's likely what I'll do. I'm going to have to conjure up £350 for it though, that should be interesting. The access course will contain English Lit, Geography and Sociology. I haven't read too much into it but I saw geography and was like "nope!". I'll do a bit of reading when I return.
I was so hungover when I woke up today. Thankfully I didn't do anything, this has been my laziest day in a long time. The only thing I did was get my haircut and I didn't even have to leave the house for that. We have somebody who comes here and does it for us, she's an old friend of my mum. She's lovely. Besides that, I've just been geeking out all day. I reinstalled Heroes of the Storm and was thinking maybe I'll try and go for Masters in ranked again. I also completed all of the main raids in Final Fantasy XIV tonight, it was only 'normal mode' but it was still really fun. I'm looking forward to trying harder content when I get better.
One of my best friends messaged me today, we haven't been speaking much lately. She was the one that I was really attracted to and I told her I had feelings for her. I still do now, that's why I chose to distance myself, it's a bit shitty but I didn't know what else to do. I guess it hurts to be around her knowing I can't have her or some shit like that. I dunno, she was quite drunk and she said something like "You don't wanna see me! :(" which isn't true, I do. I love her company, it's just awkward. I think we might go to my dad's pub quiz tonight if I can rally the troops, we'll have to wait and see. I would love to see more of her but she fobbed me off the last couple of times and she always stresses how busy she is, and I know that's true. She's almost a qualified nurse now, she's done really well and I'm so proud of her. It just seems so weird that she says she's really busy, and then I see her in pictures on Facebook with people that she isn't even that close to...and then she moans at me for being 'rude' or 'ignoring' her or not wanting to see her. I dunno, bitches be crazy! Hopefully I get to see her tomorrow, I miss her.
It was really nice to be social last night and I wish I had more of that in my life. I understand people have lives though and everybody is considerably more busy than I am. It makes me feel a bit embarrassed at times. I'm always available, lonely pathetic Edd, nothing going on his life. I always feel like I'm the one who has to organise things or try and get people to do stuff with me and I'm just tired of it. I'm not needy and I'm definitely not clingy, but I just want some validation, I'd like to feel somewhat valued.
I'm just fed up of being this sad, lonely guy.