Canadian Cutie

Life through my spiritual eyes❤️
2018-12-15 18:04:47 (UTC)

Still finding reasons

Listening to: A better man - Shane ward https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Th-mgGaHqu4
God I wish... ugh nvm lol, need to stop torturing myself with these songs lol

Ok so despite "peer pressure" lol to go out with my girlfriends tonight, I decided to stay home and spend time with my furbabies. They said they are coming here then later. E said he was going to stop in too at some point as he is out with his friends. Not sure if they are coming too. My headache is almost gone. One more good nights sleep and I will be good, provided I don't drink tonight if they come over lol. No promises.
I got 99.9% of my Christmas shopping done today.. I have one gift left to get but I will do that Monday. The mall wasn't that bad. In and out of most places fairly quickly.. We made our way to Mastermind Toys, good gosh that was fun, like a child again..exploring all the toys lol. We had our Starbucks and ended up at Firehouse subs for dinner. We had a ton of fun and a lot of laughs.. Felt good.
Today as I was getting dressed. My kik chimed on my phone...my heart started racing.. My tummy did flips. At first I thought it was my former as that is how we communicated but it wasn't..It hasn't went off since we split so for a split moment it struck me a little bit in the feels dept. I grabbed my phone and looked at it before opening it.. A tear fell when I saw a message from someone else..For awhile He was the only one on my kik… It was a bit of an emotional moment.. I wiped the tear away and finished getting ready. I am glad I was distracted immediately after or I could have slipped a bit in my strength. Seeing the kik message at the top of my phone periodically while I was out was a hint of a reminder but I am ok now. I do miss him, something awful.. Can't just shut off my feelings, I still love him. Anyways.. I was proud of myself for knocking off the last little bit (well aside from the one) and now I can relax for the season. My puppy is permanent attachment to me since I been home. He hates when he is home alone. I spent a bit playing with them and loving them up, plenty of treats and now they happy.
I have text with my new friend today, He really is a nice guy. He told me they all enjoyed hanging at the table with us girls and he said "you are fun to be around, you have this thing about you, such a positive energy" We discussed my empathy and intuitive abilities. He said he is a big believer in those. We talked a bit last night about my relationship ending and his.. I told him I am not ready to be anything more than friends right now..He said "perfect", that's what hes seeking as well. I can see a good friendship developing as our lives literally mirror in all aspects. Oh and I was right....my girlfriend and his friend did hit it off..they are going on a date this week lol. Hope the best for her, shes a doll. It's a little weird being able to go out and just do anything I want and say whatever I want. I still feel guilty, like I am betraying him, I still feel owned by him. I still feel submissive towards him despite the fact we haven't spoken in a week. It's hard adjusting but I am doing my best.. I am remaining positive and finding reasons to smile and be happy..even if my heart is still broken.
K going to go change..tidy up a bit..

Have a good evening!