Annie

Dreamer
2018-12-14 04:09:38 (UTC)

i may have fallen out of love with nathan hansen

yes. i know. i said it wasnt just a fling relationship. i said i would love him forever. i said he was the best person on earth. i said a whole lot of things. i may have been lying. i dont know. maybe i was intoxicated with the LoVe drug. i really don't know. im kind of annoyed with him right now. ive been very annoyed with him recently. i havent told anyone about this and i feel so pissed about it, because he used to be so great, and i feel so guilty for saying this stuff, but i need to tell someone. DONT TELL ANYONE! im going insane. im literally talking to a virtual diary. fml. i seem so eDgY and troubled right now gross, sorry. But annnnnnyways, im going to sound super mean and horrible in this entry, im sorry. im mad at myself for a lot. nathan used to be funny, sweet, and alright. now he thinks i belong to him, and if i dont talk to him every second of the day he gets sad and mopy and says im ignoring him, and i seem 'distant and dont want to talk to him.' he also acts like my friends are taking me away from him, and i havent talked to them in weeks. like sis, sometimes a hoe just wants to spend time with her fellow hoes. i love my friends, and i miss hanging out with them all the time. hes- ... okay im just going to say it. hes become clingy. and hes not very funny anymore. i opened up to him about some family problems and anxiety and panic and strange thoughts and secrets, and i think it changed him. i feel so damn horrible. hes always sad and gloomy now, and he used to be blissfully happy. i dont think i ever saw him sad like this before we got together. its my fault. i wish he didnt like me, and then i would feel a lot better about not liking him. i feel so bad. i dont want to break up with him, because he might actually cry. that would be horrible. and he would hate me and never talk to me or say its all his fault and that hes a bad person and everything and then it will be superrrrr awkward. i love hanging out with myah and miles, but we can only hang out if nathan is there too, which i feel guilty about. and i want to be better friends with miles, because hes rad and has a great taste in music. but nathan is one of his friends, and if i end it with him, miles wont talk to me anymore. and us four used to hang out and watch movies together all the time, but now i dont enjoy spending time with nathan, because ive realized that he thinks we have a lot in common, but we arent very similar. he thinks we have the same taste in music, he listens to lemon demon(i only like about 3 of his songs) and i listen to blink 182(he hates them) and he always tells people we have the same taste in music, but i dont like his music taste a lot. its nothing personal, i just dont like his music very much. i like different artists, songs and albums. he always listens to lemon demon's album, spirit phone with me, and its not my favorite(i strongly dislike most of it)
and i think he feels like he has to like the things i like, which is not good, because he should be himself, not changed because of a lame girl.
for example, he said he didnt like poetry, and i said i loveeeeed it, because duh!
and then a while later he wrote me a poem and said he loved poetry
(the poem wasnt very good)
he also tries too hard, but he doesn't get it.
omh so hes been moping and he just texted me this:
okay
sorry
i feel like im gonna cry
its so cold
was i being annoying?
im such a jerk
im bottling up my emotions
why dont you want to talk to me?
im sorry
answer me!
fine
i'll leave you alone
if thats what you want
whatever i can do to help just let me know
hey
i have nobody to talk to please talk to me
:((

hhhh
i dont even know what im going to do, i dont like nathan, hes kind of very annoying. f me
im such a bitch ugh
well whatever
i gotta zayn
peace i guess




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