So finding happiness seems to be getting trickier. I've been going through my breakup with my ex gf pretty well. Watching YouTube vids and reading some pretty good books. I know now and am very well aware that another person in your life is not the solution to finding happiness. Sure, it's awesome to be in love and it's sort of built in to us to want to find someone. This topic is for a later discussion.
However, I do know that if you aren't happy being by yourself, you will still bring the same fears, anxiety, lack of confidence, and whatever negative feelings you have in th relationship and you will still not be happy. NO one can bring or fix that for you. I know and realize that. I read other diaries here and some are of peeps being married or together for years. So I get to read their story that spans many years. So I see that they have been in many years of pain and suffering. From wanting to keep the marriage going to the eventual divorce and the financial effects of the separation and stuff to the loathing of the other person for the financial reaping they are now getting. That's many years of suffering.
So my point? I'm now not sure what path to take in life or what goals I have now. I know I will always work on improving myself heart, soul, and body. But then what? Do I just try to enjoy life based on being on my own? Do I not put the goal of finding someone to maybe love on my plate anymore? Another diary I read was about a couple that has been together for 5 years. They are now stuck in a lease for another 6 months at least and they are now broken up but have to live together till at least the lease is over. Sad story. They agreed to not bring anyone home while the lease is still on. That sounded very sad and depressing. That isn't the happiness I want being with someone.
I don't know or just confused now on what my future relationship goals are now. There is always that fear of not being able to find anyone anymore. That's what my ego is telling me and I fight to keep that shit down but now I don't even know or sure of which way to freaking turn. Sigh... I don't know. Feeling a little lost now. Seems like a little doom and gloom. I don't want to be in a miserable relationship. I don't want to be lonely and alone. Then again, some couples are still lonely and feel alone. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be or do at the moment.
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