Gorgeous_Nightmare

The World Behind My Wall
2018-12-10 14:50:55 (UTC)

The End...

....We broke up.
I can't breathe...
I can't think straight.
Our relationship had been shit for so long I had pretty much detached myself from the situation, but I didn't think it would hurt this much.
I woke up this morning and the first thing he asked me was "Are we okay?". I told him the truth. That things aren't okay and they haven't been for a long time. That we both knew things weren't okay, yet nothing was done about it or if it was things reverted right back to how they were. That I know we love each other we're just not in love with each other anymore. Almost 6 years down the drain and it's all my fault.

I don't know what to do. Seeing him cry shattered me. We both called into work and my roommate had a friend come over. It's so awkward. I was hoping I'd have the house to myself to just kind of sob. God, I'm such an awful person. I've never broken up with anyone before. I want nothing more than for him to find someone who makes him truly happy. I'm scared he's going to do something irrational. I don't know what. He's told me plenty of times not to flatter myself because he'd never kill himself over me. I don't know who would find someone killing themselves over them flattering, but whatever floats your boat I guess.

We still have 6 months on our lease so we have to continue living together. We both agreed to not bring other people home while the other is still living here. Not that I plan on moving on so quickly or anything. He's going to move into the 3rd bedroom after he gets some things situated. After our lease is up I'm not sure what's going to happen. He mentioned moving to Colorado where his mom lives, but I don't know. I also don't know what's going to happen with the roommate situation. That's something I don't have the brain capacity to figure out right now. I'm not sure I could afford this place on my own.

I don't know what to do from here. I'm so lost, so broken. I can't catch a breath without choking on tears. I'm so sorry. I am so so sorry. I'm such a God awful person.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vfq60Z_G2rQ

Until next time.




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