I read another diary today. It's about the same man that was married, now divorced, sick family, financial issues. His marriage with probably the exception of his kids is causing the gentlemen more grief than anything else. I feel bad for him. He has to pay so much in support. He can't enjoy shit. His Sister is sick. Now looking for a job or a better job I think. He is miserable and even if he found someone again, he is in no shape financially or even spiritually to be with someone. His ex wife took him to the cleaners.
So while I may not be in the best position in my life, I do have a great job, I have lots of friends and making new ones every month, I'm in great shape physically (with the one exception of having to pee more often. lol), I have some fun hobbies, and I have things that I like that I probably don't really need but wanted it :). I am so grateful for what I have. I feel lucky.
And to be honest, until recently and only recently, I feel that I would make a great partner in someone's life. For the longest time, I may not have felt worthy. It's because I didn't understand my ego. MY ego is my worse enemy. Always never good enough, never nice enough, never enough of anything. All of that in my ego. Very bad shit. I didn't understand this till after my breakup with my now ex gf and I started reading books and watching some helpful youtube vids. Now I see. Now I'm grateful. Now I feel at least I have some tools to understand, cope, and improve my mental thoughts. I'm finally liking myself. Maybe even loving myself.
I think I mentioned this but my TV finally died a couple days ago. Won't turn on anymore. It does but just a blank screen. On the good side, had already known my tv was already going out and I ordered one online. It's coming this Friday and it'll be a much bigger TV.haha. 75" HD 4K smart TV. A treat to myself :)
Also, I'm sort of being a little more flirty at the gym. I don't go beyond just playing around. Not asking anyone out. Just being friendly and small chit chat. There's at about a dozen women there that is nice and I've gotten to know them more each time. I do have my inner circle workout friends there too so I'm not including them. I freaking love the gym. It's also good that I can keep up with the pace and not be a straggler.
Haven't heard from the ex gf in awhile which I am again grateful for. I haven't rec'd an email or text from the ex wife too since I told her I was tired of her bullcrap so I again am grateful for that. It appears some of my drama is now gone for now. yay!!!