Funny how past love lives feel
As peeps know, I broke up with my now ex gf for a few months now. I'm better and it's not so bad anymore even though there are ups and downs. But I look back at my past and know it'll be fine. This too shall pass like they say. My proof is many. I recall my ex wife. When she was with me and left, it was a hard and painful road I had to take. That one involved her fooling around with someone else. Took her back and she found someone else to fool around with. For years, it bothered me. I didn't know where to look for help. With the internet, there is now lots of help. Anyway, I recall the pain and agony of wanting her. Wanting her to come back to me and all that shit. Now...... I care for her as much as I care for a rat's ass. Not angry. Just not caring about it.
I remember a couple of crushes I've had since my divorce. I looked back at my diary and read some of the posts. It again was painful that nothing transpired. One of them was named Lisa. Somewhere in my diary, I posted her email about not wanting to be with me. At the time, i was devastated. Come back to the present time, I don't care and don't even want to be with her. She didn't really take care of herself and she looks blah now. But that aint it. I just realized she was not on a pedestal anymore so my feeling for her or wanting to be with her is gone. She is still a nice person and I'd be her friend. It's just that I have no romantic feelings for her anymore where at one point, she meant a lot to me.
That gave me the self realization that this too will end one day. Not bullshitting anyone about how I feel. I feel I am moving along with life. Some things take time but it goes on it's own time. I guess I mentally backslid the past few days but it'll pass. Funny, the hottie from all these years has been texting me. She I guess is just friends with me and she keeps in contact with me still even though I wanted to date her at one point. She has texted me saying she's impressed with my dedication to the gym and the big difference in how healthy and fit I look now so that is cool of her to say that. I just don't know where exactly she is coming from. She says she has a dude but yet she still keeps in contact with me and she actually set up a profile and is on fb now and requested to friend me and we are now fb friends. lol
As far as dating. I think I need to take a 6 month break on dating. So that'll make it around March 2019 before I think my head will be on straight enough to be ok. Not that I can get a date at that time but this is my mental date of when I feel I should date again. Who knows? It may be years before I hook up with anyone again. But then again, since I been going to the gym, I haven't been alone much. In fact, I've only been alone from when my ex gf after I broke up. All the other times I was either dating or with my now ex gf.
So now, I'm looking forward to my future. I feel good about it even though my stupid ego wants to come out and inject stupid thoughts in my head. Peeps gotta know not to believe or at least fight that inner demon we call egos. Your ego will put stupid thoughts in you like "You will never find anyone ever again" which we know is not true but sometimes some peeps listen and believe. Don't let it.
I recall someone else that I liked and we have become great friends now. But if she came to me now and asked that we rekindle any past feelings, I couldn't and wouldn't want to. Funny how time is. You grow as a person and feelings do change.