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Scream Above the Sounds
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2018-11-29 21:21:45 (UTC)

I Sink Like A Stone, I Lost My Control

I'm going to link three of my favourite songs today. I'm talking 'all time', these songs are incredible, all by the same band.


Embrace - Looking As You Are - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eH3SkNizfcY
Embrace - Gravity - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xWQqDFIbA5s
Embrace - Ashes - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PdspIsvQmNg


I messaged both of my managers last night to ask if I could go back working there. I know, it sounds like a fucking awful decision, but it shows how desperate I am. I've had no luck finding any other jobs, admittedly I only started looking recently. I regret leaving, I really do. I think I always romanticised the thought of leaving because I had been there for so long and everything was just so damaging to my mental health at the time. I think in hindsight maybe I should have requested long-term sick or something along those lines, rather than just calling it quits. I felt college was going to be a lot more strenuous than it actually is too. The long and short of it is, I fucked up.


I messaged one of the girls I was close to when I was working there about returning and she said it probably wouldn't be a good idea for me, it's hard to disagree with her. I know it's a bad idea but I'm just desperate to be making some money while I'm studying. This has proven to be another reckless decision. One of my managers told me I could re-apply on the website but they were currently full. The other manager (the one I really wanted to hear back from) hasn't responded to the message yet, I'm not confident he will either. He did so much for me when I was there, I feel like he was probably glad to be rid of me by the end of it. He doesn't owe me anything.


I should have stuck it out, endured and see how things went. I was just in such a fragile state at the time, I was desperate to get away. The first few weeks felt amazing but now it's clear that I have chosen poorly (yet again). I'm going to have to just keep looking and hope something comes through for me.


Sigh.


Edd


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