sillykitty29

Dark Void
2018-11-24 19:37:48 (UTC)

again & again

I have noticed a pattern. I actually thought you was a deeper person than that, considering you study philosophy. You have very deep thoughts about complex things but yet your feelings are all but complex. You do something that pisses me off.. here is what the pattern consists of, we argue, you fuck me ( I guess to try to make up for it ) and then you want to go on and act lie nothing happened. to again do the same thing that I talked to you about, I tell you how I feel, and then we have sex. You slap me and choke me during sex, which is pretty normal for our sex life. But the aftercare this time is no where near the amount it used to be. you lay long enough to catch your breathe from our 10 min fuck sesh that I don't even think you came at the end of. you hop up and go back to doing school like you have done all week, but yet you haven't gotten anything finished. you tell me we are going to spend time together, you say your not going to stay up all night, you say that your gonna be home soon but 4 hours later you still haven't arrived. and before that I call you when I get off work to see if you wanted me to come to your moms and you say no I could just go home because you wont be there too much longer, you know I am tired and as soon as I change clothes and crawl into bed, you decide to text me and tell me I can come over if I want, you stay there and watch football for I don't know how many hours when you talk shit about it, you don't even like it that much. i am emotionally off balance and i will be for a long time and i have been for a long time. there are fewer and fewer times where i am actually, thoroughly happy or have joy. i constantly feel sad, upset, hopeless mainly. i was so tired today but whenever i got home and the 4 hours had passed i wish i would have stayed ta work. iswear it is just getting worse and worse and or relationship is sinking. i have tried and tried to save it. to fix it. but you don't believe there is anything to fix, or maybe your just too lazy to try. you are obviously too busy with everything but me. I truly do not believe these are only my emotions. you are so shallow. don't even get me started on ex wife. i told you how i felt this morning. about how there are things you have done for her that you most likely never do for me. but you wont change that. your too busy, when school gets out there wont be much of a difference like you claim there will be. youll just play your game more. this is not the life i wanted for myself. i still don't want it. im getting closer and closer to ending things, ill eventually have my fair share and ill leave. ill have to make the drive all the time for the baby. i am honestly curious how it would go if i did leave with the baby. You will not be able to get full custody because i will make sure that never happens. You said and i quote "A baby would ruin everything" so yo don't need to keep this baby to yourself anyway, if you cant give your pregnant girlfriend enough attention, there is absolutely no way that you can care for a newborn child or even a toddler. unless you and sam got together and you pawned him off to her because you know she will take care of him. i am getting very close to the end. its going to end one way or another, unless there are some serious changes made. which i doubt will happen because this has been going on my whole pregnancy and nothin has changed. you still laugh at me when i talk about my feelings, you act so very nonchalant like im just speaking out of my ass for the sake of put carbon dioxide into the air.




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