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2018-11-24 23:54:49 (UTC)

Tired, again.

I feel tired. I feel like crying but I don't want to cry. I feel like, my story sounds so overused because people are always just like me. But what sucks is that people don't take us very seriously because you see my type of people.. everywhere. It sucks. I never thought I would get a diary because I always thought of them as useless. Here I am. I just feel like its the time where I should type out my feelings, hoping I'm any better. I'm starting to get sick of talking to myself and counseling myself alone because wherever I go, even with friends, they don't really help my problems. They only support me.. but it doesn't change my problems at hand. I went to text a hotline but it felt useless because I didn't want to explain everything. It felt tiring to talk about something over and over again. I'm just tired. I wish people understood what I've said. People look at me like I don't know what I'm doing when I'm trying to help. I sound like a parent who tries to explain to their child but always result in their child never understanding that you have experienced this type of stuff. I'm always the parent, explaining to my friends as they are the child.. never understanding whatever I'm saying. They doubt I care whenever I try to explain and help them understand what they did wrong in situations. They tend to attack me because they think I don't know any better. Makes me feel useless, when I know I'm not. People doubt me and never trust me. I don't want to, but should I just not care about people this much? I mean, I try to help and I'm always trying to be there and explain to help them but they tend to say things like "You aren't always there, You are never trying to help, your help is useless, you make me feel worst, You aren't enough". I also, feel a lot of pain and burdens. I mean, finally I let go a lot of burdens from a certain someone but just, I carry a lot of past and current burdens. I feel like people needs to step back and realize that everyone have burdens.. don't focus on just yourself but people too. People tend to misunderstand me and never letting me talk. I wish people would let me explain because they always stay at their current judgement and never letting me say anything because they think badly of me. It sucks.. really. I can't be the one to change their opinions.. but they can. And I know for a fact, it must be a miracle where they would finally find in their hearts to let me speak. I feel... sad. I always say to myself "If only.. If only.. " But really, I don't know what I really want. This is not all my problems, but its what I'm focused on at the moment.