I'm doing better. Still alone but not too lonely. I'm happy. I got friends. I have way more freaking food at home right now so I'm no way going hungry for awhile. I don't even want to weigh myself. Thanksgiving dinner was good. Somehow someway, my attitude has been better. I don't know why. I am pretty happy. I'm liking myself and I'm finally seeing my worth. Don't understand everything that is going on in my head but I am feeling good. I have a good paying job. I make 108K a year. I work only 8-4 Mondays through Fridays. How fucking great is that huh? I'm in IT. I just sit on my ass in a cubicle and sit in front of a computer and click away. I do have skills but how can I bitch about my job? I can do it till the day I die :)
Even though it's Thanksgiving and a lot of eating, I'm still in pretty much the best shape of my life. My ideal weight is 160. I've been 10 pounds below that for awhile. Now I'm about 157 but still good. I have definitions now. I run circles around peeps 10, 20, even 30 years younger than me at the gym.
I have my darts and my dart friends for decades now. I no longer rate as being one of the grandmaster dart players but I still hold my own and I still have a blast playing dart leagues.
So the only hiccup is that I broke up with my gf. You know what? I'm mean really deep realization "you know what?". I'm good. I know in my heart that even thought I wasn't able to keep my relationship going, I know there is someone out there that will be better for me. My ego is the evil thing that is telling me that I'll be alone forever but I now know that my ego is wrong. This is not the end and there is something better for me out there and it'll come. One day some day... I will be posting that I have found the love of my life. Today, I can't say that. But that is today. One day some day, it'll be different. I'm happy because I know happiness isn't found in someone else. It has to be in you and come from you. Finding someone that will love you is good, but it isn't going to give you the happiness you are looking for. I know now. I know :) I got this. One day.. One day.... Today may not be the day but I'm still happy now and I'll be happy when I find that special person one day :)