Scream Above the Sounds
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2018-11-23 00:55:12 (UTC)

What Makes You Happy?

Today was okay. I wanted to type this entry up a bit earlier but I got distracted. I wanted to try and be positive today so on the way to college, I started thinking about things I was thankful for. Just little things that made me happy. I've read some entries that some people have written about positivity, and despite how silly and small some are, it's great that these things bring us happiness. I'm going to list some of mine and maybe I'll do a little paragraph or subsection depending on what I mention.

World of Warcraft
Nintendo (More specifically: Super Mario, Zelda etc)
The friends that I do have
Video games
Good music
Pro wrestling
Game of Thrones
Final Fantasy
Football (soccer)
My parents
The power to meet people and form friendships through the internet
Trying to fix my life and returning to education

This is just a small list of many things that I could talk about. I need to appreciate things more, both big and small. A friend told me a few days ago to take some time out one night, and just look out the window..count the stars. The sky does look beautiful. I definitely take everything for granted and I hate that my mood is so erratic.

My parents:

I can talk about my parents forever. I mean our relationship may not be great but my God, they would move heaven and earth for me. We don't talk much but the love they have for me is unmatched. My mum still treats me like a little boy, it's both sweet and annoying. She actually asked me to write a wish list for Christmas the other day. I honestly don't want anything, I'm too old for it. it sounds rude and boring but if they are going to buy me stuff for the sake of it, I would honestly just rather money. Money to help me with college and just to save up for when the going gets tough, which will be any day now I guess. I owe so much to my parents, who knows what the hell I would be doing or where I would be if they didn't take me back after my breakup. Dead in a ditch probably. I don't tell them enough and I really need to start saying it, I love them.

Good music:

Now when I say good music, I'm talking about the music that kept me alive. The music that KEEPS me alive. The stuff that speaks to my soul. Anybody who knows me well will know: Death Cab for Cutie, Brand New, Taking Back Sunday, Linkin Park, Coldplay. I need them. They keep me sane. There is no life without music and these bands have made me stronger. Music can be so powerful. There are so many songs that I wish I could share with people.

The power to meet people and form friendships through the internet:

I think this one is the most important for me. I have made so many friends over the internet. Since the age of 13 when I first started playing Warcraft III and when I even went around places like Habbo Hotel as a young naive teenager. I'm still friends with some people that I met on Habbo Hotel back then and I even met up with one this year. The internet is extraordinary and it's unbelievable that we have forged some of the friendships and bonds that we have. I've met so many people and gotten so close to people, they are brothers to me at this point. We may fight, disagree and sometimes say shit we don't mean but we still love each other and it's a bond that won't be broken. They are real life friends to me. A headset, a video game and a monitor doesn't change anything. To all the people I've gotten close to, laughed with and maybe even upset over the years, I'm sorry and I love you.

Trying to fix my life and returning to education:

This is the last one I'll do because I don't want to ramble any further. I need to sleep because I actually do have college tomorrow. Making this decision was huge for me. It wasn't easy and it was a big leap. I was in an extremely fragile state of mind, I was closed off, I was weak. I didn't feel like I was ready to be let back into society because I had such a massive hole in my heart and my mental health was deteriorating. I threw myself in the deep end. College is going well, I've made two great friends, Allan and Aaron. Aaron is actually in the process of helping me get a job, he didn't have to do that, so I do thank him very much. As depressing and mundane as I get and I know it's probably extremely tedious to anybody who reads this. I am happy and proud I did this. I want to succeed. I am so desperate to better myself and try and make something of my life. I struggle so much but I won't give up.


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