ish

ish
2018-11-22 03:32:46 (UTC)

nite before thanksgiving....

headaches lately........trying to get a better sleep schedual..........is a bit of a wresling match..........

have enjoyed the last week has been smooth going with daddy.......communication better on my side i think....i dont see everything as a challange as much ....totally sets me in defensive mode...............

am going to try to feel through this so i can just see and deal with it..........today......

atm i feel my heart has sunk...with the realizations of how some things maybe only possible here........online.........makes me want to cry.........and nothing much i can reallly do bout it.................so will deal with my insecurities and petty jelousies best i can...even knowing that i may never have what should be mine...........trying to force myself to no longer feel that ache when you mention another let alone someone that has had the oppertunity to have you...all of you if you so wished...........so jelously not in vain.....but that is so harsh to the heart.............
and no i have never felt as i do now for any...and i think maybe that shouldnt be real...........it hurts..i really want to pull away...........ahhhh fuck my head hurts........and damn it feeling so fat and ugly...think going to hide my head in the sand..........




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