sillykitty29

Dark Void
2018-11-19 23:06:35 (UTC)

theres no point

I've become too attached. I don't understand how someone can be so mean but yet constantly tell me they love me. It's just starting to sound like a copout really. Let me say the rudest things to you I can but ill say sorry later and everything will okay. better yet, let me come home the next day agitated for no god damn reason and act like your not even here, like your naked body standing in the bedroom after a bath has no effect on me.
im tired of repeating myself and im tired of constantly feeling worthless. I ask if we can watch a movie when you get home and cuddle and you say that sounds fantastic. that you need to start spending more time with me. but you come home and go straight to doing school and I ask if we are going to watch a movie or do school and you choose school. I am far from being a priority to you. in your eyes im just a mere friend who lives with you, cleans your house, helps with your children, and is having your third child. i'm tired of going out of my way. I get up, make you breakfast, make you coffee and bring to you in bed. I even once brought you your food while you was in bed and I was late to class. I give and I give constantly and I get repaid by you waking up in the morning and not having underwear and socks folded in your drawer so you decide it would be an okay idea to slam doors, yell, and throw shit. because one thing wasn't done your way. I feel like I am nothing to you and I cannot express this to you because you are tired of dealing with emotions. but I have to deal with you being a dick to me for reason. I have a job. You quit your job and now you are working for your friend's dad building. I go to work while you stay at home and play your video game for the full 5-8 hours that I am at work. I come home and the kitchen is still a wreck. but you come home while I stayed at home and the kitchen isn't clean then your agitated and the whole fucking world has to stop and change positions.
i am here solely for your convenience. i am here for you to love on and cuddle with when you have nothing else to do. i am so far down in your priority list its shameful. you are THE most selfish and thoughtless person i have ever met in my life and i totally regret staying after the little voice in my head told that i need to "get out". i should have listened to that little voice in my head when he repeated those two words over and over again.
so my goal is to become less attached to you. i am tired of being at your beckon call whenever you feel like having me around. I talk to you and i get replies that would be the same as if the boys were talking to you and some nonsense and you only reply to make it seem that you are genuinely interested in what they are saying. I could talk to you about school and if i say one thing that lights your bulb you will cut off what i was saying and start talking about yourself. Even though you get so mad when i interrupt you. you continue to make me feel so small. i am to the point that i really have absolutely nothing nice to say about you. You have given me a sour taste in my mouth. I do not remember why i fell in love with you. or if im even still in love with you because i cant think of one reason why i should because i am contradiced with the bullshit that i have to deal with from you. im so tired of constantly feeling this way and talking to you about does nothing or makes it worse. you have no regard for my feelings because you don't care. you infuriate me to no end and i could go on and on about how much of an asshole you are. its to the point where i don't even want to kiss or touch you, you disgust me.




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