Nadia

wet blanket
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2018-11-14 16:30:27 (UTC)

you know you're depression ..

you know you're depression is in full swing when you're diet goes to complete shit and you're eating chocolate for breakfast becasue you just don't care anymore.
And when you sleep for the majority of the day because it's so much easier than being awake. Because being awake means either being so fucking scared and anxious about what you're meant to be doing or being completely depressed and sad because you're not doing anything with your life.
and when you get drunk eevery fucking night because it numbs the pain but also brings out your emotions which also increases your sober selfs anxiety the next day because you're not sure what you did or who you messaged the night before
why do i feel so sad when i'm drunk. I literally feel like throwing myself off a cliff. All the time.
I just sat and scrolled through my messages with my ex best friend for an hour and cried the whole time. i wonder if jade ever thinks about me.
i'm fucking sad i'm so fucking sad. I'm nothing. i'm complaining here because i know no one will check. I don't know what to do i;m so suffocated by my own skin.
I'm falling back into my sad alcoholic tendencies. i genuinely hate myself. I've never EVER hated anything or anyone as much as i hate me. Nadia you are the biggest piece of shit i've ever seen. You never commit to anything. You haven't moved anywhere in your life for the past three years. do your really think brad or anyone for that matter is going to stay with you if you keep this shit up? no wonder all your friends have left you he;s literally the only one left hanging on. knowing you you;re going to push him away and at some point he;s not going to resist anymore and realise how fucking shit you are,


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