Gorgeous_Nightmare

The World Behind My Wall
2018-11-13 02:28:16 (UTC)

There Are Days

I am the type of person that worries about everyone before myself. I have to make sure people are okay before I can even begin to think about myself. I can't just leave them there. If something was to happen and I did nothing or didn't at least attempt to do something I would be broken. I'm glad that people feel safe enough to come to me or open up to me even though I am absolutely terrible at giving advice. Sometimes people don't need advice, they just need someone to listen. I genuinely like being there for people. You're not a burden.
The ones that are there for people need to be checked on too.

There are days when I'm driving I think about smashing into a pole or a tree. If I'm on the highway I think about how easy it would be to drive straight off of an overpass. There are also days when I'm happy I haven't.

I cried for the first time in a while tonight. I sat at the bottom of my shower and sobbed. Uncontrollably. My eyes burn, but honestly, I feel slightly better. What caused it? I'm not sure. I just feel lost and so so alone. Sometimes I need to break down to pick myself back up and get through the next day. It's such a struggle at times. I was on medication for Anxiety and Depression when I was 15, but took myself off of them because I didn't think I needed it. Oh, how wrong I was. I was fine until one day I wasn't and I've just never put myself back on them. I bought something called a "Wreck This Journal" a few months back to see if it was something that could possibly help take my mind off of things for a little while. It's basically a journal where each page has a different way to essentially destroy the book. I hold books very near and dear to my heart so it was extremely nerve-wracking when the first prompt was to "crack the spine". I kept up with it for a little while but, the last thing I did was tape a dead grasshopper on one of the pages. (It told me to). That was maybe a month or two ago. I just haven't felt inspired to pick it back up. I haven't felt inspired to do much of anything lately.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EnHF7_hKOZQ
Until next time.




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