Im Finally Myself

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2018-11-12 01:30:25 (UTC)

I don't understand

I don't understand how people can write diaries. How they can pick at their scabs and watch it bleed. Leave themselves so vulnerable and so bare with just a few scribbles in ink. I thought id try it out. Leave my body out in the cold for everyone to see and judge and interpret it in however they see fit. So to start off with, I don't trust people easily but I trust too much. If that makes sense. I'ts hard for me to connect but when I do connect I'ts like fireworks shooting off into the sky. Like the 4th of July happening 10 times in a row and burning itself into my rib cage. I like someone. Maybe even love, If I even know the true meaning of that word. He is amazing, astonishing even. I fall for him more and more everyday and I dont understand how someone couldn't love him. And I really hope he still likes me too. We dated. Past tense. For almost a month, but his parents didn't let us date so we broke up. His parents are assholes. I want to hug him, kiss him, go all the way with him. I think im in love. But he told me that I should start to move on. He said that he's gonna think of me as a friend because It hurts too much to think of me as anything else and he knows he cant date me and it's just unbearable. I don't know how much he actually likes me though. He didn't want to tell his friends and he didn't ever act like he wanted to be in a relationship. He says he likes me but does he really? Hes been absent lately and I cant help but feel if its because of me. Someone said that I was possessive. Maybe its true, idk. I just want to talk to him. He's the only one I want to talk to. I dont understand why he dated me if he doesn't like me. I dont understand.

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