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I've been watching this guy on youtube that is pretty good. Explaining heart ache, thoughts, how to get over things that I had been doing wrong all this time. It's working pretty well. My gauge is when I wake up in the morning. When I first wake up, I don't know what's going on yet. Then the rush of reality comes in and you realize you are not with that so called special someone anymore. That's when you know. Lately, the difference has not been far apart anymore. Hope that means I'm healing.
I have tools to understand things a lot better now. You don't just ignore and push aside the thoughts that come into your mind. That part is unavoidable. However, you can understand that this person that left isn't someone that has special knowledge about life. They are a normal human being. Their thoughts and opinions are not any better than anyone else. It's just their own thoughts and opinions and not better than anyone else. It's just that I liked them so because of that, I regarded their thoughts and feeling a lot. Understand this, I am able to cope. Understand this I hope mens that future endeavors will be much better.
I look forward to the future. I look forward to applying my knew found skills to have better friends and possible lovers. I look forward to being happy even by myself and I know that no one can make me happy. They can temporarily disguise me with happiness for awhile should I meet but the role and responsibility of my happiness is myself. All controlled by my thoughts. This dude Noah on youtube is way advanced in this concept. I had to watch and understand his videos for a bit before I caught on. Really deep thinking.
Anyway, I hope this preps me for this coming Thanksgiving. I got memories from last year with the ex and I hope this is a good Thanksgiving for me. Actually it should be good because my ex gf last year drank too much and ended up just laying on the floor in her laundry room for a few hrs. I had to get her one of my gym drinks to get her to feel better. But yeah, not her greatest moments. I was switching out her vomit bowls for her sitting next to her till she felt better. So, yeah. Not her greatest moment. I'm sure this too will pop into her head and she'll remember I nursed her back that day.
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