Seefee

Seefee
2018-10-30 23:38:23 (UTC)

Update

Sooooo, Hey! I'm back...again. Just wanted to update yall, I truly can't lie, since I've abandoned my old habits and started to focus and better myself I've been a lot happier, I am trying to be very cautious of my actions however cause the devil is real, let me tell you, always there, just lurking on his next victim, and I'm guilty of having fallen in his traps more than numbers itself goes. Winter is rolling around the corner, I'm going to be copped up in the house for a good 3 months, I'm going to be depressed af, and I know myself well enough to say I'm not myself at all when I'm sad, I just have time for nothing except the things that benefit me the less, I become further away from God and it's like I know this but It never occurs to me to fix the situation because I just don't know where to begin, I be so far gone which makes me sadder and sadder, any connection that I can find between me and him makes my heart content but it's like I'm still not myself and It'll be the first of November tomorrow, God willing, my belief and determine to obey him and please him no matter the cost will be enough to keep me away from evil. As I was saying though, I am very content with my life right now, I'm happy as you'd say, I have my days when I don't want to do anything at all, but I push through it and that's what makes me happier because it shows how much I've changed over the years and that right there is a reason to be happy. Life is so short and every day I'm reminded of just how little we have on this earth, sometimes I feel like I can distance myself between reality but the longer I hold back from the truth the clearer it becomes to me that I'm not guaranteed tomorrow, and I certainly can't lie to you, the thought of not being here, the thought of being alone in the grave, high possibility of being punished for the abundance of wrong I've done in this life, thinking of how scared I'll, it all makes my heart ache, it makes me the saddest I've ever been, it's scary, I wish it wasn't but it is, it's so hard to think about it....Denial you could say but it's the truth, I can't stand to think of a world where there isn't a world at all. Seems almost impossible, right? Well, it's not and all those that disbelief will see. Well, yea I'm doing pretty okay, I'm satisfied with life and it's current events, I pray to always feel so content.


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