Experienced Life
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2018-10-30 05:33:45 (UTC)

Back from NYC

Well, I'm back from my NYC vaca. Great place. I recommend everyone go there to visit at least once. I couldn't watch any self help vids on youtube because my cousin and sister were there in the hotel room with me. Only on Sunday after my nephew had left to go home and my sister went to church was I able to listen to some. Oh wait, I did listen to some also during my gym workouts there. No one goes to the hotel gym. lol, except me of course. So I hooked up my bose speaker to my phone and listened there.

I'm listening to a new person now. One that helps with dealing with a breakup and general anxiety feelings and I feel he connects with what I feel. Pretty good. He showed how the ex wasn't perfect. She made human choices but it shouldn't get me down because her choice was not a fact. It was just an opinion that she made. And to be honest, I mean really honest to myself, we had issues. I was not responsible for making her happy. If she was down and out and feeling crap for her past or whatever it was, I was not going to be able to fix that. If she came into this with issues, her issues were not going away. So me coming into the picture was not fixing her. I was band-aid fixing something for a little while but she is the one responsible to make herself happy. Only then would she be able to be in a relationship.

So realizing this now, I feel better. The insight made me realize that I didn't have to fix anything she had to fix herself. For my part, I see what I don't like and that too is for me to fix on my own. No one can fix that. So I set up a fantasy situation in my head to see where I'm at. I imagine that there is a green button that if I press it, the ex will magically come back to me and want to marry me. She won't change, but her mind will be to want to be with me and marry me. Well, when I imagine that knowing what I know,, I would not press that button. It's almost a big sigh of relief mentally when I run that through my head. I'm not saying I don't still miss her but I do see better.

Hopefully, I'll get better as the days go by and I work on myself more.