Scream Above the Sounds
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2018-10-26 20:12:24 (UTC)

Alone Again, Naturally

Today was a very quick day in college. 9:30am-12pm and then straight home. The sun was shining but it was very windy. ICT and Tutorial whizzes by. Before I left college to go home, I sat down with my tutor for about 15 minutes and discussed my future. She told me that I'm making great progress and I'm on track for, well whatever I want I guess. She asked me what I DID want, implying that I should study Access. Access is regarded and held in very high esteem. I just don't think it's going to be any good for me. I mentioned that I would take A-Levels and study English Language, Psychology and Media Studies. I need to take a look at some University requirements and see what's what. If Access isn't viable in some Uni's then it'll make my mind up for me I guess.

So yeah, college is out for a week. Freedom. It put me in a good mood for the day. I've already finished my reflection assignment so 1 down, about 3 or 4 to go. I'm planning on blitzing them tomorrow and then just chilling out until Tuesday. I got home and I rang my friend on discord, we played some FIFA for a bit. The day was good, it was strong, good vibes throughout. Now, it's 8:15pm and I just feel sad. I'm out of distractions and I just feel ready for bed. It's nice to know that I don't have to wake up early for a week or so but i don't know. I don't feel like I'm going to leave the house at all, and that's pathetic. My parents leave on Monday and then I truly will be alone. Until Friday at least when my friend comes down to visit.

I might be seeing the girl I'm interested in soon but it's unlikely. She's super busy, or at least would rather spend time with anybody other than me. I don't know. I probably come across needy as fuck, to be honest. I just really enjoy being with her and she makes me happy. I'm trying not to message her or anything like that because I don't want to seem clingy. She talked about us doing something on Thursday but I won't hold my breath, if it happens, it happens. House party is on Friday, I'm going to get ridiculously drunk. I've got Jack Daniels Fire Eater, which is essentially red Aftershock. It tastes like red hot jawbreakers. I've got sambuca, I've got all sorts. I'm looking forward to getting completely and utterly shitfaced. I have been drinking again quite regularly recently but I dunno, I just feel like I really need this.

I don't know what to do for the rest of the night. Part of me wants to just sulk in bed and watch Netflix until I eventually fade away. I just feel so miserable and alone. Sigh, just another day.


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