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2018-10-25 06:45:14 (UTC)

Dang it!! I messed up

So, my Sister had to attend a mandatory somewhat Timeshare meeting where we are staying. I had some alone time at the room. I fucked up. I fucked up bad. My ex gf was liking some of my posts from my vaca stay here in New York City. Today, I looked at my Ex gf's fb posts and posted likes for some of them. Then I got lonely and texted her. Damn it!!! I hate myself now. I know she may not even respond. I told her I'm having fun here in New York and that I wish she should be here with me having fun. She was the one that actually introduced me to go traveling in the first place. Now I'm this new person wanting to travel. She had a lot to do with it and now I told her I wished she was here with me to enjoy this trip. Then I went even further and asked if she was sure she was sure we don't have any regrets and I wanted to make sure we were both ok with where we are. Again, this is so stupid!!! I know she'll respond by saying "I'm good". Fuck me and my weak as mentality. I just threw my worth away. I didn't beg and plead. I mean, I even told her let's talk but we are both different people now and we may not want to be together anymore. Still, the picture was painted. I miss her and that I wanted to maybe rekindle our relationship. I lost my man card today. I hate making mistakes. I made a big one.

Well, all I can do and keep my chin up and go from here. Pick up the pieces of what I worked so hard to rebuild and take it one step at a time.