Grace

Smells Like Adult Spirit (But Not Really)
2018-10-24 16:26:16 (UTC)

13 Years Older Than Me

He's thirteen years older than me, and it's kind of refreshing I guess. He's caring and kind, which is also refreshing. We work for the same non profit. He's my oldest brother's age. Has seen war. I guess that's what makes him compassionate. But then again, how could he be so kind to me when I've experienced nothing as bad as he had? He's seen someone get shot in the head. I don't know it's odd. I guess I have to stop questionoing people being nice to me. If they're nice to me, they want to be.

My online friend was talking about how one day we would grow apart and not talk. And that made me sad. The anonymity and closeness we share has been so healing for me. I can tell him things I don't tell anyone else because I don't know him, in person that is. I know the personal issues he faces, his family issues, how many children he wants, where he wants to live, his career goals. But one day we're just going to stop chatting on discord. And that's a scary thought. Somehow there is going to have to be a person who replaces that closeness. Anyways.

I've been wondering about what I'm going to do after college. And I've kind of just flipped my entire major on it's head. I want to help people. I guess that's what experiencing pain does to you. All I want to do is help people live better lives. And to me, that manifested in being a teacher. I taught a bit over the summer, and building relationships with students was just so valuable. I loved it. And I want to work in urban areas. Low functioning districts. So I told my online friend this, and he basically said I shouldn't settle for being a teacher, that I can do more. He said I should be a therapist. But that would just be, bad for me. I think. I don't know. I don't feel like I've found my purpose yet, which is depressing.




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