Scream Above the Sounds
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2018-10-19 21:51:00 (UTC)


I have so many assignments that I have to do, yet here I am..Making a Murderer: Part Two, episode 4. Oops. I do recommend the series to anybody though, it's so incredibly addictive and stressful. I've got assignments for English, a Maths test on Wednesday (yikes!), an assignment for Social Science, Science and today I was now tasked with an assignment on "Reflection". The latter will be the easiest because it has to be about a negative situation and we all know me, the biggest emo edgelord of all time. I LIVE for reflecting and torturing myself on things I could have done better. Things I could have changed, things I should have fucking SAID. I could have said and done so much more to save things. Instead I allowed myself to capitulate and watch the madness unfold.

Reflecting is fine. It can be painful but I do believe it's good for the soul. There are some things that I really do need to get out of my head and down on paper or in this entry, or whatever. I never would have kept this diary going if I didn't feel like it was going to make a difference or help me manage things a little better. I'm a bit worried about the length and depth of what I will write though. I got an A* for my English Creative Writing but it was extremely deep stuff. I think maybe I'll link the creative writing in my next entry. A lot of it was stuff that was ripped from this diary though. My Tutor loved it, but I could tell he was concerned about me. I feel the same thing will likely happen here but it's just easy for me to do it like this. It's important and it's guaranteed credits for me when I go into Access next year. Our first task of reflecting is about enrolling for the college, which is easy. As negative and emo as I come across, I do believe you can reflect on positive things too. It's just so much easier to deconstruct things and talk about what went wrong and more or less why I'm such a fucking loser and allowed these things to happen.

I'm going to try and do some work tonight because I've got a pretty busy weekend. I know, I can't believe it either. I'm seeing one of my friends tomorrow. We're going to watch the Chelsea/Manchester United game and then we're gonna get drunk and play video games. I can't ask for anything better to be honest. I'm looking forward to just getting out of the house and having a laugh with him. We don't see each other enough anymore and I hate that. He's just so busy with work. He works away for 6 weeks and then he'll come back for a bit, and then off he goes again. His girlfriend gets really sad and lonely too, so I understand that I can't be a top priority when he returns. I am really looking forward to tomorrow though. I'm spending time with both of them then on Sunday as we return to my Dad's pub quiz.

Monday is my "Study Day" where I don't actually go in to college and we're supposed to just get our work in order and catch up on anything we need to. "Study Day" to me more or less meant, chill, play video games, do whatever you want, and that's what I have been doing! I definitely will be smashing out all of my assignments on Monday though. I'm doing so much better than I thought I was and I really want to keep this momentum going. I am bricking it at the thought of this Maths test on Wednesday though. I'm gonna do my English assignment now. It's my favourite subject and he's the last person I'd want to disappoint. I'm gonna have a chat to him about either pursuing Humanities next year or maybe English Literature. I need direction on what I'm doing for next year!

I guess that's all I've got for tonight. Oh! I actually approved a picture of myself on this website, if anybody was curious as to what I looked like.


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