you ever meet someone who makes you feel a way you've never felt 🙃. who makes you feel like the way you are is not only good enough, but that it's actually preferable? have you ever felt desired, felt capable? the sex, was like nothing i thought possible. like, other fucking wordly. and i mean, i scan people when they're with me, their faces. my brain does this compulsively, restlessly, searching for evidence that they're faking it or not altogether genuine - she seemed TOO into me - but I couldn't pick up a hint that she was.. that it was a ruse. when we fucked, she somehow saw all the way through my array of body anomalies and profound awkwardness - it felt like there was no other place she wanted to be. it was that photoshoot. i was so fucking tired that day.. she was incredible. just beyond the moments of the day. the fucking fact that she believed in me? like, it didn't even occur to her that I couldn't do a photoshoot. she didn't give it a second thought. she knew I could make it work. I don't fucking know, man. maybe it was perfect there was a pregnancy scare and that it fell apart after a month. my brain didn't have time to sully her or it. she came in like a whirlwind, fully emersed me and blew out like a passing hurricane. she was the clementine kruczynski to my Joel barrish. i am a fucking nerd.
everything is so boring now.