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I Told Her
I decided that I may as well tell my friend how I was feeling about her. I didn't confess my undying love for her or anything like that. I just told her that I really enjoyed her company and she was pivotal for me in turning my life around and trying to salvage something. I owe a lot to her. I've always had a soft spot for her and we had a bit of history in 2009-2010. I had the opportunity to be with her but I decided not to because I was pursuing something with somebody else at the time. She is responsible for me getting my shit together. I would have just completely wasted away and I would have probably hurt myself if she wasn't there for me. She helped me get back into education.
We spend quite a lot of time together these days. I mean, I say "quite a lot", she's pretty busy with Uni and placement and stuff, so I probably see her maybe twice in 2 weeks if I'm lucky, but it's always great seeing her. I mentioned in a previous entry that we're going to look at climbing a few mountains and things like that soon, so that should be fun! I decided to tell her how I felt because when we do usually go out, it tends to involve alcohol. I know at some point, I would get so trashed and end up telling her then. I think she knows that I don't want a relationship and that I'm not ready for one. I dunno, I just felt like I needed to tell her. I don't think she was that shocked. She said she didn't know what to say but, what can you say? I mean, I didn't ask her out or anything. She didn't say "no" to anything but didn't say "yes" either. Just that she wasn't looking for something right now, which I completely understand. She only got out of a relationship herself a while ago. I guess I just wanted her to know how much she has impacted my life this year and that I think she's really special. As long as it doesn't affect our friendship, everything is good. I think I'm seeing her next week and I imagine we'll just carry on as normal. Maybe something will develop eventually. Probably not but who knows?
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