✯Sincerely, Me✯
☯LivingWithMyself☯
Rambling
Dear Reader,
It’s been a minute since I’ve written. I’ve had a lot on my mind, and I started writing an entry the other day but I never finished it.
Honestly, I feel really sad right now.
There’s not a reason to.. I just do. Today went okay, besides my grandma getting mad at me, and my brother flaking on me..
I actually got to talk to a new person I’ve made a connection with that I met here for the first time on Skype, and it was really nice. I’m really hopeful about this.
No ones around now, and I guess that’s what it is. I’m lonely, and I have a lot on mind.
Josh is messaging me again, and we’re talking and it’s actually been nice.. but I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t hard, or I wasn’t struggling.
What we had is over now.. but it’s just.. so much left over, so much that can’t be said.
I’m enjoying talking to him again, and I am wondering how long it’ll last...
Something that’s getting to me is.. well.. I was very close to him. I let him in, I trusted him, I cared for him.. and of course after breaking up, and living silent, separate lives.. things will be different. And I knew that.
It’s just crazy to me how.. you used to be so involved with someone, metaphorically speaking, you invite them into your house, and could take them into your bedroom, and then now it’s like.. you’re outside talking on the porch, and the farthest you’ll ever get with them again, in regards to letting them in, is maybe the foyer.
I want that closeness again, but I know that even if it it could happen, it wouldn’t be the same.
I wonder if I’ll ever understand the aftermath of heartbreak, and losing people.. And if I’ll ever understand losing people in just certain ways.
I had a dude I was involved with I met from my other diary, but a lot of stuff happened in his personal life, and now he’s not around.I did believe that it was real.. and honestly I can’t say for certain if it was or wasn’t. But I can’t help but feel really stupid. :’) The reason I have doubts is because it’s happened before. People just peace out once they get what they want.
Anyway, I’m rambling. It’s just hard when no ones around, and my mind races..
Sincerely,
Me
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