2018-10-03 22:51:03 (UTC)


Life is strange.
Life is so strange.
I feel like...
I feel like history keeps repeating itself.
It feels like I'm doomed to forever repeat the same actions that lead to my destruction.
It is my stagnation that will end me, and I have to do something about it soon.
My brain is fried from the THC.
Those neurons are used up. I feel light.
I hear everything. I sense everything. I see everything.
My brain is racing with thoughts faster than I can comprehend them, but I still make an effort to record these erratic thoughts into my life journal. It's been nearly 7 years now with this journal.

All the guys I hooked up with are starting to come back. All at the same time. I suppose it's due to the mood shift as autumn approaches. More people are becoming depressed and lonely; that's only exacerbated by the winter months.

But not me.

I loved being in the snow. I loved a mug of hot chocolate after sledding down hills. You can see me become visibly brighter in the winter. I thrive in the season that everyone hates. This is what I convince myself of all the time - I'm just on the opposite end of the spectrum. I love the moon, I love the cold, I love the sky, and I love the water. Most others prefer heat and earth and sun. I especially love the nighttime. There is a side of me that no one gets to see, where I can dance alone to the songs I love, where I can sing my heart out.

I wonder who's going to win my heart. It's between a lot of random guys now - but somehow, I know one of them will most likely be the one.
Here's to shattering the last hope of being with Hassan. He has to start his career now. It's time to focus on yours.

I hope I vibe well with the guy I end up with. But I have to be careful.
always repeats itself.