Do Not Disturb

2018-10-02 13:00:04 (UTC)

A Rough Morning

Dear journal,

My mom got mad at me when she thought that I left MY hair in the bathroom sink when I didn't.

Yes I got into my feelings about it and I know that's stupid. I told you how sensitive I am. But I mean I'm not the only one who be in the bathroom. My brother is always in the bathroom taking a shower and leaving shit everywhere so why go blame it on me. I just need my room back. I need a bed. A mattress... Anything.

I wanna cry but my mother just makes it worse for me. Yea yea its life... I know. Get over it... But I can't.
I know I'm not the only one. Nope. Just me. Okay den.

I'm just to the point where I can't take it anymore and I just wanna cry. I can't help but be sensitive. I never thought of it as a bad thing. Everybody's sensitive at some point. I need a job. I need this. I need that. And if I don't I will start going to this place called the " Plasma Center" where they take blood and give money. I don't do well with needles sticking in your arms type of thing.

Then, she said that she was gonna " call my dad" all because I got into my feelings about this. Like that's gonna do anything.

Also last night my phone went off but only because I used up to much data apparently and that's exactly what she told me... My mom.

And also how I have a " serious problem".

I mean I can't sleep even if, I'm not on my phone. I'll go to sleep eventually.

You don't see my mom calling my dad for something my brother did even if, she says she will... She doesn't. So, how do you think that will make me feel.

I'm almost 20 yrs old.

I drove home yesterday. I was a bit nervous..... Okay... A lot nervous... As hell... But I did it and the only reason I was nervous was because I'm still learning how to drive.

19 and can't drive.
I know.

I was always scared to drive but only when their are other cars in front of me. Their gonna be in front of me anyways regardless but I'll get the hang of it eventually. But I did pretty good at least that what my aunt told me. I thought I did pretty good if, I say so myself. I just need to know how to... Not be nervous while driving. I've never liked the idea of driving but I will have to learn one way or another whether I like it or not.

I hate this.

I feel stupid.

I don't know how to do certain things.

I'm to sensitive.

It'll be even more worse if, I was with my dad then I wouldn't have Any freedom at all.

I have NO friends.

I mean I talk to people at my school sometimes but I prefer staying to myself and do my work as told and/ or while listening to music.

I feel like nobody listens to me.

This diary is the only thing I have. Well, I have family and God. I mean therapy wise. I've been meaning to go to therapy but my mom suggests that theirs " nothing wrong with me" when clearly their is. I can't seem to get anything right.

I just feel like shit right now. And I just wanna cry but because I'm to sensitive I can't and so I will write instead. That's what I've been doing all my life anyways. And the only thing I seem to be good at.

Of coarse I will have more to write later... I think. This all just happened this morning. To much goes on at my house.

And now I gotta clean both room and bathroom but its not like I don't clean enough as is. But hey I should be thrilled since, I don't have a JOB.

And you wanna know the sad thing is is that I'm the only one that does it and another sad thing is that my mom is okay with my brother sitting their playing Fortnite every time he gets home.

Everybody's putting so much pressure on me.

I just don't know how much more of this I can take.

Write more as soon as possible


The Forgotten One

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