The Queen

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2018-09-29 11:18:53 (UTC)

3:55 am

Dear Silkworm,
It doesn't make me wail. Perhaps I might do it again. Which is sick in a way that it is sick for me. (laughs) a programmer would want to conversate with ME (laughs ^that fardeen khan's laugh). Mhm I'm at unease for some reason. Not content with life itself. Or that I complain a lot . Complain for all the negative that I've instilled in myself (I'd rather say it like that). Does a queen sees things negatively? Ah ! The self destructive trait of unrequited love. That one trait .. It's only fair because I do not want to be loved in any way. (Does a queen do that to herself?)
Some call themselves princess because their daddy's are kings.

That is how thoughts get altered .Yesterdays events , princess than queen than programs than exams and in the middle of them all A.G(The body and soul I worship).Why? I don't even know. To keep my self-destructive trait active.
(Suppose I've been threatened and yesterday was the end of this all) but my head keeps saying otherwise.

I plead myself, yet you drive me wild.
Wild in worship.
For I don't know what it is
That doesn't let me change my path.
It's the demons within me
The inner voice says
For I continue to let them grow
Fog my brain with the smoke that you blow
Aching and cravings
All a satans play
I let them grow as I pull you back
Piles of sins in a stack.
Escape route I'm aware
Emotions that align me to the sins don't let me go there.
Once I start and then I'm back doing the same
There's no consistency in what I do
Ah! for what I call myself a queen?