✯Sincerely, Me✯
☯LivingWithMyself☯
Never Ending
Dear Reader,
It takes a real piece of work to call your granddaughter stupid.
And all because she confused me saying she saw my brother somewhere different from where I saw him seconds before we spoke.
She said she saw a car in a driveway with E, and E’s friend in it, when she came in the house. I literally just exited the tv room where he is, and is playing his occulus rift.
So, obviously I wasn’t there, I didn’t know if she saw him, or just saw his “silhouette” and maybe THOUGHT she saw him. Because sometimes Es friends will come over and just wait in the driveway.
And E hadn’t looked like he had moved in the short amount of time since she went outside, because every time I’ve seen him today, he’s been in the tv room playing the game.
So I just said, confused, that E was in the tv room, is she sure she saw him. I wasn’t condescending, I wasn’t rude, I was just casually, innocently asking a damn question, but of course, Miss everything is a personal attack, goes from one to 100, and starts going off on me.
Then she goes “why do you always have to correct me?”
First of all, Bitch. I wasn’t correcting you. Second of all, Bitch, you get all bent out of shape if anyone questions what you say, but you don’t have a single problem doing that to me over every single thing I say or do, and YOU do it with malice! You do it intentionally to hurt me, to insult me, and to knock me down.
And the truth is, 99% of the time I “correct” you because I’m DEFENDING myself. Because I’ve done or said something that you think you’re better at, and you argue with me, yell at me, call me names, and then get pissed when I pull it up on the Internet and prove your ass wrong.
So I just told her that she confused me, that’s all I was asking about. Because if that wasn’t E, someone was in our driveway we didn’t know, or someone was here for E.
And so she just says that I’m stupid.
And you know I wasn’t going to write about this, but I’m just too angry to deal right now.
I’m an adult now. I know better now that the way she’s treated me all these years growing up is not how you are supposed to treat your granddaughters. She would never treat her other granddaughters the way she treated me, and to be honest, I know deep down she hates me.
Everything is a fucking competition. I needed to wash clothes, because I don’t have any clean underwear. Like its gross, but I didn’t shower today, because I don’t have clean underwear, and I’m not about to shower, and put dirty underwear on, that’s fucking gross. She proclaimed she needed to do laundry first. I haven’t got to wash my clothes in weeks, and when I tell her that, she goes “well, it’s been longer for me.”
It’s so irritating that she has been up since 5-6 in the goddamn morning, and suddenly needs to wash her clothes the second I say I’m going to.
So, she starts to go get clothes, and then hatefully tells me to just go ahead and do mine.
She intentionally tells you you’re dumb, and intentionally tries to make you feel like she’s better than you, smarter than you, and more likable, and stronger than you.
I joke around a lot, and something I do or say is shit like I’m going to kick your butt and all that. And you can’t even joke around with her.. because I said that once, and she gets this shit eating grin on her face, and starts bragging about how I better not mess with her, because she really could hurt me, and she’s really strong, and could tear me up. And she wasn’t joking. She even tried getting me to say that I know she could, and acknowledging a power dynamic.
She’s a 75 year old woman.. and she genuinely felt the need to make me feel threatened, because I was joking around.
And the thing is, I know she would hit me if she was mad enough. She has before. She wouldn’t think twice, and afterwards she’d feel justified in it.
There was a time where she slapped me in the face because I didn’t make the tea right, as she was talkimg me through it from the living room. We have an iced tea maker, and she has a weird way of making it, and I remember the fear in messing up. I remember there was a step I got confused on in the beginning, and I tried to fix it, and she heard me, realized what I was doing and cane storming into the kitchen screaming how stupid I was, how I always mess everything up, and how terrible a kid I was, and I remember I opened my mouth, and said something through tears, and she just slapped the shit out of me.
And then proceeded to scream at us for the next few hours while we sat in the tv room how we messed up her life, and I deserved to be slapped.
And I truly love my uncle and cousin, and aunt. But they are on her side, and she told them her version of the story, and so they came down, took us to my aunts house behind ours, and basically told us WE were in the wrong, and we should just deal with her, and her abusive behavior BECAUSE she’s our grandmother, and can basically do no wrong.
I remember crying my eyes out, telling them what really happened, how I felt. And I remember feeling what was the point, they don’t care, and even if they did, they’d always defend her.
I remember feeling so alone. I remember feeling like how I felt didn’t matter, and it was never going to get better.
And I wasn’t wrong. She hasn’t changed. And I have so many issues because of it all.
She’s catty, she’s passive aggressive, she’s narcissistic, everything is about her.
She can’t stand for me to have a shred of confidence. She’ll tear me down when I’m in a good mood, she’ll embarrass me in front of family.
And it’s times like this that makes me wish I just had a real family.
Sincerely,
Me
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