My Ego got to me today.
I took a hit today. I let my ego get the best of me. It would've been a year with my ex gf if we had stayed together. This was our almost anniversary. So yeah, I was down. My ego fucked me over and I didn't control it too well. It brought out some pain and anxiety of being broken up. I even sent the ex gf a happy almost anniversary text with her nickname and added an lol to keep it light. She responded with an lol, said my nickname that she had for me and also texted happy almost anniversary. That was pretty much it as far as celebrating our one year.
So, it did take me down a notch. I shouldn't have done that and I shouldn't have looked at the Life360 app that still has our locations still showing. I never bothered to look at it in all this time. But today, due to our one year thing, I did. She went wine tasting in the Sutter area and booked a room so she wouldn't have to drive home drunk. She usually just go to her neighbor friends at her cut de sac. Hang out with them. Get drunk by the pool and walk back to her place. This time, she had to book a place. My ego does ramble and of course had to think that she may be there with a dude. Again, this is stupid because it's none of my business and I shouldn't be wasting time thinking about shit like that. Not healthy for me or my confidence and it has no bearing in my life anymore. I know this. I'm better than this yet I let my mind think it like a dumbass.
I shouldn't have looked at that app and I shouldn't let my mind wander around with negative thoughts that do me no good. I'm better than this. Fuck fuck fuck!!!! How stupid of me.
So, now I just got home from an outdoor movie showing at this golf course with some friends and I feel like crap. I'm going to allow myself this because it is my almost anniversary with my ex gf. This is just a small setback. I got this. I made a mistake but I'm too good to be letting this get me down for too long. But just for tonight, I'll let it get to me this time. Just for tonight.
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