✯Sincerely, Me✯

☯LivingWithMyself☯
2018-09-15 01:25:11 (UTC)

Angry and Putting My Foot Down

Dear Reader,

Right now I’m mad as hell, and I don’t give a single fuck if it’s stupid to be.

So my little brother E is extremely forgetful. He loses his keys, clothes, chargers.. he forgets things at his friends houses, and cars, at school, and around our house.

So, here’s the thing that pisses me off to no goddamn end.

He loses his charger ALL the time, and if it’s not lost, it’s broken, or it’s garbage. So that means, he comes after MINE.

And you know what, I know, I’m the stupid idiot who lets him walk on me like a doormat. I’m the one who lets him borrow mine.. I get it. That’s about to change today.

So at first, I let him use mine. He was so entitled to the point to that he’d demand mine in the middle of the night, because he’d let his phone battery drain to almost dead, and then come get mine, so that I’d have to turn mine off because it would nearly die, and I’d have no way to charge it because he’d have mine.

To combat this, I bought myself a second charger, so that I could at least have one when he lost his.

So, that made him think he was even MORE entitled to my charger.

He wouldn’t even ask sometimes, he would literally go in my room anytime he lost his charger, and take mine if I wasn’t in there.

So he’d think that if he went and bought a shitty $3-5 cable from the gas station he was “saving money” but in reality, he’d replace it so much because he’d lose or break it, that it didn’t make a difference. An apple cord is literally $15 at Walmart. And yeah the box is $15 too, so yeah, $30 is a lot of money, but it’s the best charger for the iPhone, and if you’re careful with it, and keep up with it, it’s worth it..

And neither of us have actual jobs, we work for family or odd jobs, and he’s recently been given a SHIT ton of money, and he has had $1000s of dollars at a time. He bought a $30 cream from the mall because it was “so good”. He ended up selling it for $10. So I don’t want to hear it’s “too much.”


So there was a time where he was leaving his charger everywhere like almost every day. And he so like I said, I went and bought a second charger, and I bought him one too. $30.

So it wasn’t long until he forgot his somewhere, and couldn’t find it. So one morning, he came in my room and took mine because he was going to go work with a friend at his house.

So, he left it there. And he never went back to get it. And when I asked for it back, he denied he even took it, and said I must have lost it.


So now, he even has just taken my charger brick.

So I never should have let him borrow my charger again. But yeah I’m stupid. He literally will not stop begging, because as a child, he figured out that if he just begged and argued long enough, they’d give in to shut him up. He’s gone on for HOURS. So he does this to me. Keep in mind, he’s 18 years old, and acts like a damn child. And the sad thing is, he is so good at gaslighting you, and convincing you that you are as awful of a person as he says you are, and no matter how wrong he is, he is always dead set, thoroughly convinced that he’s right, and nothing will change his mind.

But with me, he gets aggressive, and threatening, and I’m not a strong person. Anyone who reads this diary knows that I am. I can get mad, and I can yell, but my voice wavers, I stutter, I shake, my throat tightens, and I cry. He tells me I’m a terrible person, I’m selfish, he’ll talk over me, yell at me..

He’s literally threatened to hit me if I didn’t hand over my charger..

So, yes, I’m complaining about it. I hate it, but I haven’t put my foot down.

So now, I actually have three cords.


Okay, so he messages me Tuesday and asks if he can borrow my charger, because he left his at school, and I told him yes AS LONG AS HE DOES NOT TAKE IT OUT OF THIS HOUSE. Because if he loses it here, at least it’s here where it can found. He can’t keep up with his own shit, so I don’t trust him to let him take mine out if the house. He said okay, I won’t.

He didn’t go to school Wednesday, because he claimed it was a teacher work day. He wouldn’t go to school Thursday, and his school doesn’t open on Fridays, so of course, no charger. So that meant he’s going to keep mine until Monday, and that is if he even goes to school, or remembers to get it IF it’s still there.

I’ve been watching him leave, and checking his room to see if he’s been leaving it.

Listen, it’s not hard. If you know you’re going to leave the house, charge your fucking phone. If you forget to, stay off of it to conserve the battery, that’s not a lot to ask of someone who is borrowing your charger because you can’t keep up with your own.

So today, he was acting nervous and looking over at me as he was about to leave. And I knew then, damn well, he had my charger in his pocket, and was about to take it to his friends house.

So he goes outside, and I go to his room, look in, and see that it’s gone. Of course.

So I go outside, and tell him to give it back. He immediately gets furious, and defensive and says he left it in the tv room.

And he goes “stay the fuck out of my room.” (He goes in my room all the damn time. And takes my stuff) and I didn’t go in, I looked in from the door.

So I go inside, to check the tv room. As soon as I’m in the house, he jumps in the car and takes off. Big surprise, the charger isn’t here.

So I message him, telling him he might as well go to Walmart to get a new one.

And I’m still very angry. And I do want to go get my charger back, and I know it’ll go down a few ways.

He won’t give it back, and my grandparents will defend him. He’ll threaten to hurt me, or actually hurt me, or he’ll break it.

And at this point, I don’t give a fuck. Because all I asked was for him to leave it here. He’s lucky I even continued to let him use it because of all the shit he’s done to disrespect me, and my property.

I’m sick of it. I’m sick, and I’m tired of it. I’m so sick, and tired of it that I ranted this entire entry over a god damn charger.. that’s how angry I am. My anxiety is triggered by this bullshit, because it never ends.


I keep multiple charger cables because of him, so that I won’t be screwed when he comes for mine. I can’t afford to buy a cord everytime he loses his, and eventually loses mine. He can’t afford it either, but it’s his own damn fault, and I shouldn’t have to pay for it. He should take responsibility for his shit, keep up with his things, and pay out of his own damn pocket when he has to replace something he loses or breaks. Just like I do. Just like every person in this worlds does. He has it in his head that he doesn’t have to keep track of his shit, because if I have it, too he won’t miss out. Because he thinks it’s okay for everyone to bail him out of everything he gets himself into, because he thinks everyone is just supposed to.

I decided this. I’m going to tell him that he’s going to give it back to me first thing tomorrow morning, and if he wants to charge his phone, he’ll have to borrow from a friend, or go buy one.

I’ll be nice so that he won’t have to go tonight, because honestly, I’d rather have a blow up tomorrow, instead of now.

And if he doesn’t give it back, or if he breaks it, that’s fine. He’ll never borrow ANYTHING of mine EVER again. And if he hits me, I will call the fucking police.

And I’m not going to lie, I am scared to confront him. Because I am in no way shape or form confrontational. I am scared to do this, and I’m even considering backing out of it. I was even dreading him coming home, because I know it’s not going to be good. I don’t want to cry, or shake, or my throat to tighten, and stutter while he’s shrieking at me that I’m the worst person ever, but I know it’s never going to stop if I don’t put my foot down. At the end of the day, it’s not about my charger, it’s about being disrespected, and walked on, and I don’t want to be afraid to stand up for myself anymore.


Wish me luck, I’ll update.

——————

Okay, so I told him. I messaged him. He didn’t deny taking it, he just said, “Nah I’ll give it back then don’t you ever fucking say another word to me.”

And I told him, “Whatever, just give it back.”

So, he said “I said I will just stay tf away from me.”

So he’s going to be an asshole to me for awhile, and he still might end up breaking it, but I don’t care. The important thing is, I didn’t just let it go.
And tomorrow I will go get it if he doesn’t give it back.

We’ll see, I’ll write another entry tomorrow if anything happens.

Sincerely,
Me




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