Jake 🇺🇸

Killing Lions
2018-09-09 16:25:52 (UTC)

Platonic vibes and a magical place

You know what I am? I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it! ~ Joker from The Dark Knight

Honestly, this is analogous to my past history chasing girls. I'd try so hard to be cool, I'd try so hard to take care of myself and make myself desirable. I was the dog chasing the car. I spent so many hours trying to figure out how to get a girl to like me. I'd read things online about fashion and "what girls like", what do say and a bunch of other self help guides. I would watch late night hosts, particularly Craig Ferguson and watch how he talked to ladies; I remember wanting to have the charm and easy going spirit he had. Despite this, I never fully committed myself to actually getting a girlfriend.


Hannah I wouldn't consider "official" i knew she had to leave after she graduated, I knew in the end nothing could ever come out of it. I suppose it was easy to say "hey, let's hang out" or something. She'd always say yes. She was "easy" because she was attracted to me. I don't think she was experienced with dating. She was a bit awkward on what to do. Maybe that made it easier for both of us since I also wasn't experienced, I wasn't that serious and she wasn't either so it made it pretty stress free. With asking all these girls out and getting first dates, they feel effortless, though, once I have the girl right in my grasp, I don't know what to do. I'm the dog, once I get the girl, I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do.

It just seems like a ton of work. I have to impress her I have to do all this stuff, plan all these dates etc. When I think about my friends I have, it's always easy. I invite a bunch of people out to do something. It's fun when there's a ton of people together. With dating it's a 1 on 1 experience, very, very different than I'm used to. I don't often hang out 1 on 1 with someone I just met; that's just how my friendships have always been. That's why in some ways I feel it would be easier to get to know a potential partner through a friendship first, then, move to something more intimate like a private date.

Yeah. I might just ditch cold dates Idk. For now I've gotten a lot busier with school and teaching and everything, so idk.

I guess I should explain what happened to Olivia. We ended up meeting for a second date, which wasn't by itself bad. I mean, none of us had a bad time. But afterward it think we both realized that we just weren't meant for each other. We don't have many interests in common. She get's really into all the details of football, I'll watch it for the party. I love trying new and exotic things, she's lived in Iowa all her life and is quite comfortable living her life the way it is. She lifts and doesn't particularly like cardio; I'm a cardio monster who races marathons. She doesn't like Asian food, I love it. I could go on, but I asked her a lot about what she likes to do and I really couldn't think of hardly anything. She even sort of complained about the rice that was served (I took her to an Asian restaurant).

I probably should have texted her to let her know that I didn't think we were compatible but i didn't -- i guess i felt it was pretty obvious. I left for Colorado a bit after the date so i never really had a chance to text. When I got back, I typed out what i was going to say at least 5 times but never sent the message. Something kept me from sending it. She never texted me so.... I never did either. Honestly, I'm just curious as to what she's looking for since I clearly wasn't what she was looking for. That second date sort of killed my own attraction to her, and, she didn't really show any interest either. And that's the end i guess lol. Though, I'm still friends with her on Snapchat lol, I just checked my story, yes, she still opens all my posts. But whatever. I don't have any beef with her, she's a nice lady who I'm sure will be successful and has the drive and motivation to accomplish pretty much anything. If we happen to run into each other, it wouldn't be weird, honestly, the two dates we went on together kind of had a platonic vibe to them.

Oh well. Maybe I'll try it again later!

Anyway, let me talk about other things, girls aren't everything. Let me just ramble about myself for a change.

I'm happy.

I'm glad to be young, smart and physically fit. My intelligence is something that I've learned to love about myself. I just feel like I'm smart enough to tackle any job. It's naive but this is all I've known. Nearly everyone I talk to compliments me and says: "You can do anything." Nobody ever told me I couldn't do X or Y. Even though I know in my heart that I'm just a young and ignorant student who hasn't lived in the real world, I fear I'm starting to fall into the trap of overconfidence.

For labor day weekend I took Friday off (I just left without telling my advisor), and traveled to Colorado to climb mountains. I wanted to push myself to my limits so I did it solo. I slept either in my car or in a tent on the mountains. Thursday I left and made it to Colorado by 1 am. Slept in my car at a remote gas station. I was awoken by a large semi-truck parking right beside me at 7 am in the morning. It was light out so I decided to leave. No need to get up, I'm already sitting in the car, just start driving. I reached Silverton CO around 2 pm. There's a little campground up in the mountains that you can reach via a forest road. I drove up there and parked. There was this older couple sitting in some folding chairs just... chilling. They seemed nice so I said hi and got into a nice conversation. They suggested I go higher up on the road to get away from all the RVs. So yeah. I drove another few miles up the road found this really sweet spot next to a little waterfall to pitch my tent. I put all my supplies in it and then drove to the trailhead.

I packed super light, no backpack just a banana and a 16 oz energy drink in my hands. I ran the first mile averaging about a 11 min/mile pace. I then grew tired and power hiked the rest. The first lake (about 2,000 ft of climbing) was Ice Lake. It was truly beautiful. The bluest water, the best way i could describe it was "pure". Most people turn around, but not me. I kept going to the upper lake, maybe another mile or two. This lake wasn't quite as blue, but it had an island in the middle. It was magical. Nobody as far as the eye could see, just me surrounded by rocks, weeds and flowers. Occasionally there'd be a soft cold breeze but that was it. It was desolate. There I was, mountains as far as the eye could see, then below there was the lake. Google "Island Lake CO" and look at some of the images. Truly beautiful. I remember just sitting there for a bit taking it all in. It was surreal and I couldn't even believe I was there. Looking back, this has got to be my favorite trail of all time. I'll go back for sure!

After getting back I cooked up a nice meal and then spent the night in the tent. It was COLD and I realized that I probably didn't pack warm enough stuff. Oh well, I survived!! I then packed up put everything in my car and headed to the next destination. Driving along interstate 70 I randomly stopped and did a quick hike (1,500 feet of climbinb). It was meh. I mean, it was fun, sure, but it was too easy and way too crowded for my liking. The lake at the top was kind of lame also lol. Whatever. Later in the day I went mountain biking...

After biking I packed everything up and headed to Long's Peak for the real adventure. This was a hike that my friend attempted but couldn't make it to the top. I decided I'd like to try it. He gave me all this advice: Bring >6 liters of water, bring warm clothing, carb load the day before, get up at 2 am and start the hike, etc etc. Since I was by myself I was worried I wouldn't be able to make it. Regardless, I figured I'd try it anyway.

I get up at 2 am and head out. After about a mile this guy with an Ironman backpack passes me, he's... running. Instantly I'm thinking: "Well, I can't let this guy pass me" so I decide to try to keep up. I'm carrying this heavy backpack with tons of supplies and water, but, I manage to keep up with him for about 2 miles. Finally I pass him. He catches back up and we begin to talk. He's a professor from UC colorado so naturally we get along quite well.


I ask him why he's here. Turns out he's in a life crisis and it just trying to find himself. So for the next 4-5 hours we talk. Mostly about marriage and life goals. The question of "what do I want out of life" came up several times. He recently got a divorce. The lady he was married to he described her as perfect. He was the smart, but boring and mechanical academic. She was the fun and crazy (maybe more irresponsible) one, who kept his life interesting. Their motto was: "Give me a crazy place to go and I'll make it happen" she was the prize and made his life worth something, it gave him purpose to please and do things with her. He'd travel the world, go on long hikes and trips with her. She, as he'd say, was perfect. It was this perfect combination where both the husband and wife complimented each other. I remember him saying something along the lines of "I don't want someone who's exactly like me, I want someone who can also plan things and want to do things." It might have been worded differently but that made me think, about my own dating experience. The girls I've dated it's usually been me who has to plan everything, me who has to find fun things to do.

Anyway, we ended up hiking up the mountain pretty quickly. It required a lot of tough scrambling up the cliffs. We were actually some of the first to the top that morning. The top was an amazing view. Mountains (some with ice) could be seen everywhere. The way up seemed so small from up there. It was hard to breathe as well. I remember I could only climb a bit before I would have to stop to catch my breath (the mountain is like 14,300 feet high).

I didn't really think much about the dangers on the way down since I was just trying to keep up with Dan (the ironman backpack guy). It was probably stupid since one fall could have easily killed me. The dangers of the cliffs and rocks became apparent after an alarming experience:

On our way down, we see this rescue helicopter flying around. We didn't think much of it, I even took a snapchat video of it cause i though it was kind of cool. Once on our way down we saw a bunch of rangers and marked cars. Apparently someone had died the same day we were hiking up!!




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