Scream Above the Sounds
I feel very thankful today, for a lot of things. I'm thankful for the position I'm in right now, being able to leave my employment of 3 years to study full time and finally chase a dream. I really owe a lot to my parents for supporting me and encouraging me to get what I'm worth. It feels so good to finally try and take hold of my life again. I feel like I'm 16-17 again and I'm just about to set off on this adventure known as Life. I know it isn't going to be all sunshine and rainbows and no doubt, I'm going to fall upon hard times whilst I'm at this college. That's what life is all about though. Challenges, trials, tribulations, tests. Things that will make or break you, and I promise you, nothing is going to break me.
I'm very thankful for this website. It sounds odd to say but it really does help to just write things down. It clears my head so much. I never read any of my entries back. I definitely don't want to read any of my early entries, because of old wounds and stuff. Maybe someday. I'm thankful for people that I have actually befriended on this website, I never could have expected that. A lot of people have reached out to me and have complimented me on my writing style and have also shared their memories and experiences with me. It's really nice to hear from new people. Somebody told me earlier today that they read one of my entries and left feeling very positive about everything and that made me feel really good. It's nice to help people. The majority of us are here because we're depressed. We're scared and we are trying to figure out what we want out of life and where we belong. I genuinely think I'll be using this website for good now.
A couple of months ago, I was at the lowest point of my life and the amount of times I thought about taking my life was untrue. I despised myself. I still resent myself a lot. I know I can't change the past but it still haunts me. I hope it will eventually pass. I think my job was a constant reminder of all the negative stuff that has happened in my life in the past year or so. Sometimes I get weird flashbacks and the nightmares that have plagued my mind for so long are so vivid. Hopefully now that I've left my job, I can finally find peace. I would love to write an entry where I am practically beaming throughout, and I'm a beacon or aura of positivity.
I'm trying to keep a normal sleeping pattern, now that I'm going to be a full time student. It's going to feel so weird. It's 11:12pm and I'm pretty shattered, it's unusual. I don't usually sleep until after 5am. This entry got a little bit dark and mundane, I didn't mean for that. It was supposed to be somewhat positive. I really am trying. I guess no matter how I'm feeling, the glass will always be half empty.
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