Scream Above the Sounds
Should I Quit?
Song of the day: Fozzy - Burn Me Out :- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EpVaaZyHR4k
It's Chris Jericho's band. He's a famous wrestler, mainly known for his time in WCW and WWE. He's ridiculously talented. Fozzy are a great band. I would recommend checking out Judas and Sandpaper too.
I'm already thinking I should quit work and focus on my studying. I can already tell that I'm going to struggle. It hasn't even started yet and I'm stressing. It doesn't sound too bad on paper. Study from 9:30-12:30 and then by the time I get the bus home it will likely be 1:15pm, so I could sleep for 5 hours or so. The thought of it just makes me facepalm. My mum has encouraged me to quit work and focus solely on what I want to do. I do appreciate her input but I don't want to have no income. I'm going to have a talk with my manager tonight on what the best thing for me to do is. I'll at least do one shift after a day at college and see what toll it takes on me and if it's too much I'll just have to leave.
I think I'm romanticising with the thought of leaving a lot because I've wanted it for so long. It was one of the main things on my list that I wanted to tick off. I'll have been there 3 years in 6 days and that alone really depresses me. The workplace is the only thing left that binds me and my ex girlfriend too. I imagine she's pretty happy now but I think she would be even happier if she knew some of the staff that she works with in the weekday weren't in contact with me anymore, as I work with a few of them on a Friday night. I don't mean to sound arrogant or big-headed or anything like that, because I'm not. But people do talk, managers included. In pure work terms I mean. All a manager has to do is say my name and say "Edd did X the other night" and she'll hear that. maybe I'm overthinking it and it's water off a ducks back to her at this point but I'm pretty sure she would rather not hear my name, if that makes any sense.
So I don't know. I'm going to talk to my manager tonight and see if I can possibly work on just the Saturday night, but I can already tell it'll be a no. Saturday contracts don't exist and they aren't going to make an exception for me. I feel like my mind is already made up to be honest. I think it will be better for my mental health if I'm away from there, because I think it's just going to be too demanding. I think my manager would be sad to see me go because I do a lot for him and we do have a good relationship but he's always asking me about college and I think he wants me to try and make something of my life and find happiness. He knows I suffer with depression and he's seen me at my absolute worst. I wish he could see me at my sparkling best.
My timetable is :-
Tuesday: English 9:30-12:30 and then Social Science 1-3:30
Wednesday: Maths 9:30-11 and then Study Skills 11-12:30
Thursday: Science 9:30-12 and then Maths 1:05-14:35
Friday - IT & Tutorial 9:30-12:30
I haven't studied for over 10 years and I know that environment is going to be really hard for me to get back into. I have been offered to go and work days at my employment instead but I've heard so many horror stories about it. I don't even want to consider it. The work I do now isn't stressful, it's just the hours of the shift that are the issue. Work is good, generally. It's very easy and it tends to go quite quickly. I have great banter with most people there too. I've definitely gotten too comfortable there though and I need to start thinking clearly and look at the bigger picture and what is going to be better for me and make me happy. I have enough money for a while and my parents never ask for anything unless they really need it, so I'm very lucky in that aspect. I just need to have money coming in somehow. If I leave, I'll have to be constantly looking for weekend jobs and then there's the whole "Starting again" scenario in my head. That scares me too. Should I quit?
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