✯Sincerely, Me✯
☯LivingWithMyself☯
Things I Need To Write About
Dear Reader,
I have a few ideas I want to write about, but I’m not sure if I’m ready to talk about it.
I’ve been wanting to write about J.. I’ve been wanting to write about my past as a compulsive liar.. that needs to be talked about before J, because he helped me overcome it.. I need to finish writing about my aunt S, and there’s just a lot going on in my head, and I know nothing will get done if I keep putting it off.
Writing is really the only productive thing I do besides clean.
Not going to lie, I haven’t been cleaning that great.. I’ve just been doing enough lately.. mainly because I’m just not in the best place in my head, and I’m really feeling reclusive, and not wanting to be around my family because they stress me out.. so I just kinda hide out in my room..
My energy is low.. I’m tired all the time, I don’t sleep enough.. no motivation, I noticed today that I’m eating a lot more than normal..
The sad thing is.. I seemed to have a lot of confidence, and a boost in social skills a little while back, but it feels it ran out of stamina. I guess ever since all that went down with Trevor, and having to stay at my aunts house, and dealing with her sisters alcoholism, and babysitting.. and my daily routines, and tasks.. I don’t know. Listing it all doesn’t sound like a lot, but it feels like it.
My birthday is coming up in October. I’ll be 22...
Does anyone else experience like.. feeling like crying after something a kid or baby does? Like I know it’s a weirdly specific thing, and maybe it is just me.. but I mean.. there’s something my baby cousin Ada does.. she hugs a toy, and says “mine” a time or two, but she still has like speech, like I don’t want to say issues, she just doesn’t say words clearly yet, so the way she says mine is like really fast. She does it like unprovoked because she wants you to “fight” for the toy, like tell her funnily to give it to you, and she laughs.
I don’t know when she does it, I just love the way she says it, and I find myself thinking about it, and it makes me.. want to cry? I don’t know why.
I’ve also been thinking about getting my ears pierced, and my eyebrows microbladed later on after I’ve saved money.. no idea if I’ll go through with it, I could literally write an entire entry about my eyebrows like, it’s really sad. And it’s really sad I might actually do it.
I talked to Nick again after all this time, and that fizzled out pretty quickly. He just wanted sex from me while him and his ex girlfriend who still lived with him, weren’t together. And then, they got back together? It was weird I guess. Like, I don’t know what made me think we’d keep talking? But to be honest, he wasn’t sorry, and he hadn’t changed a bit. So I’m not surprised it didn’t last.. maybe he’ll message me again, who knows. I cut off contact for a little more than 6 months, so I’m just used to it. I’ve learned to just live without him. Learned to live without friends in general...
That being said.. that’s what inspired me to write this.. because most nights I go to bed alone. That’s why nights are hard, because even though the days are hard, I am around other people, who I can talk to. So I’m not totally alone.
At night.. there’s usually no one, or a few people I’ve started chatting with from the sex diary I write, or whisper, until said person loses interest and stops talking to me.. or I stop talking to them, because it’s obvious they’re no longer interested, and only stay because I’m still engaging.
The last time I Skyped was with Trevor.. and the last time I Skyped before him was with a terrible dude I met on whisper, and before that, a person I met on this diary..
I stayed away from whisper for awhile after that happened with Trevor. I should I write about that too.. mainly because I haven’t, if anyone reads my diary, I’m sure if makes no sense. The short of it is, He was a guy I was into that I had met on whisper, we got.. pretty close for someone I didn’t know for very long. I tried opening up to him, venting to him, shared briefly just a few serious things I’ve gone through, and he called it nothing, and said it was all my fault, so that was really fun. So yeah, we haven’t spoken since.. so the long of it might be an entry, I don’t know.
So.. yeah as you can see I have a lot of writing to do, and I kinda want to write about it all night, but I just don’t know where to start, so if anyone made it this far in this entry, and if you want a certain entry I’ve mentioned to be written and posted, let me know. It helps to know if anyone’s actually listening to be motivated enough to write.
Thank you for reading. Good night.
Sincerely,
Me
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