Scream Above the Sounds
First thing I need to say is, twix cookies are the best. My God, that was amazing.
So, hi. It's 1:30am and you better believe I'm wide awake. I've got work tonight so I'll probably stay up for another 8-9 hours and then try and sleep until 6pm or something. Sounds a bit crazy doesn't it? I do enjoy working nights, it's very chilled out. No customers, nothing like that. We just listen to music and put stock out. It's really easy and it usually goes fast. I really hope I'm not there next year though. In just under 4 weeks, I'll have been there 3 years, that's pretty depressing. 3 bloody years! Not so much that I think it's a hellhole, it's actually alright. I never ever expected to take the job and still be there in 3 years time. Although saying that, one of my managers started working there when he was 15 because he wanted an XBOX. He's now 32 and is the manager....haha. People get comfortable and I'm guilty of that too. I guess now I just look at my life and realise that I haven't amounted to very much, at least not yet anyway. I'm hopeful I can still turn my rollercoaster life around and actually make my parents and friends proud of me. I need something to live for.
I've grown at this job though. I do consider myself one of the best members of staff there, which doesn't say much because the majority of the staff quit because they can't hack it or think it's shit I guess. I do a lot though, especially on Saturday nights. I won't bore you with my duties. In a way I suppose it gives me a weird sense of pride because they think I'm reliable and know I can do whatever they ask of me. They trust me and I'm grateful for that. I mean, I do wish I could get a bit of a break sometimes and that they could pick somebody else but at the same time, I appreciate their trust in me. When I told my manager that I was going to be studying in September he asked me if I wanted to move to day shifts and at the time, I was strongly considering it. Then a friend who I work on my department with, who came from days, was telling me a few horror stories. It really put me off it. It sounds like chaos. I'm completely fine working nights, my body clock was screwed up before I started there so it works out quite nicely. I just know that, tied with studying, it's going to be a bit of a shock to the system.
I was originally looking for other jobs, I was in a very bad way at that point though. My ex girlfriend still works for the same company and I very much doubt she ever has plans to leave. At least she told me she didn't, which sucks. I hope she does eventually leave someday and finds something that she's passionate about. Children, most likely. She's destined to be an amazing mother but I don't know if she would want to be a "full time" mum. She was always very independent and liked to work hard. But yeah, my ex still works there and her now boyfriend works there too. So when all of that happened originally I was like "Fuck, I've gotta get out of here", to save what little sanity I have left. It doesn't really have any effect now though. I'm not saying I don't care about her or anything like that, I'll always care and love her in some capacity but I'm just over it now, thankfully. The point of all this was though, I WAS looking for other jobs, mainly because of the mood it was having on me having to deal with everything. I was suicidal. I'm in a much better way now and whilst I do think another job would be goo for me, I haven't actively been looking. I've been really lazy when it comes to job hunting.
I think my plan is to likely slug it out here whilst I do my studying. I'll try and keep an eye open for weekend jobs. My original studying will be the easy part. I'm just resitting my GCSE's first. Then I will likely do A Level English or something like that and eventually look at a course in creative writing/journalism. The thought of University is terrifying but welcoming at the same time. My DAD of all people is encouraging me to do it too. Which is completely left-field because me and my Dad hardly say a word to one another. Me and my friend Aaron joked about me studying at Newcastle University and getting a place together. I would love that. Fingers crossed huh?