Scream Above the Sounds
Ad 2:
2018-08-21 22:04:31 (UTC)

I Don't Feel Pain Anymore

Guess what, baby? I feel free.

This entry is titled after a Kids See Ghosts song. Will link it at the bottom. It's Kanye West & Kid Cudi.

I don't feel pain anymore. I link it because it's how I feel right now. The last three days have been bliss. I haven't even done anything either. It's the strangest I've ever felt but in the most positive way. Everything just feels really chilled and I haven't got a care in the world. I'm not sure what has brought this on but I welcome it and hope it continues. I still want my social life to be a little better. I'm spending a lot of time with friends lately but it's behind a computer screen and even though we're on communication via headsets/microphones etc. It isn't even a patch on having that physical presence and just being around people. Sometimes I can feel lonely in a room full of people though, so maybe it is better this way. I don't know.

Studying will hopefully change everything. It's less than 3 weeks away now! I'm not really going out of my way to "make friends" at college but we'll see. It would be nice to meet new people. I'm quite reserved and shy at first though. I kinda just want to get on with it and start working towards something. Anything else is a bonus I guess. I'm already thinking about sorting out another holiday next year but I'm unsure on where I would like to go. Sweden is always an option again but I'd like to go somewhere else. Maybe even with friends TO a location, rather than going to the location and then meeting people. It was a great experience and I'm super excited to do something again.

I feel like things are slowly coming together for me. I don't really know what I want to do in terms of living arrangements. I mean I can't live with my parents forever. I do miss my own space. My independence is abysmal in fairness. My mum has always gone above and beyond for me and does everything for me. Even when I tell her not to and that I've got it. She does it anyway. I am very grateful for her. I just know that once I've finished studying, I've got to grasp that independence again and break off from them. I have missed living in this house though. I've been in this house for about 24 or 25 years. So many memories, both good and bad. I always envisaged myself living in this house and eventually raising a family of my own. I don't know if either will ever become a reality though. It's not really something I'm thinking about right now.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Nc9n77W42g This is the song, "Freeee"