2018-08-20 23:40:52 (UTC)


Barely functioning again. Half an edible in my system with about six bong hits.
This is what being an anxious adult is like. Constantly dreading that in seven days, you have to go back to reality. Go back to a school in Springfield, the middle of nowhere. Go back to consistently fake assholes who never truly left high school. Go back to dumb ass females who stick with the guys that nonstop cheat on them and hurt them in a variety of ways. Sometimes I'm just glad that at least there's Lupe.
Dhruv and Shawn are my two closest friends, and they're living in the same building, and they didn't even know it. That's so neat.
How did I discover that? I brought out my laptop and somehow was automatically connected to Shawn's Wi-Fi. I realized that he was really close, and just as it turns out - one lives on top of the other. How unbelievably cool is that, and yet how vastly incomprehensible fate seems to be.
When adults run into old friends, they don't seem excited at all. It's like "oh, this is a pleasant coincidence." But I'm not like that at all. Last week I saw one of my high school friends at a gay bar and I was screaming her name jumping up and down. Just like a little ass kid who's never seen a person before.
I somehow began interacting with Chris - and almost immediately I am starting to regret that decision. I am slowly remembering why I didn't like to talk to him in the first place. He acts like he's the shit. That inherently shouldn't bother me though, since there's a lot of good friends I have who pride themselves on being narcissistic assholes. But his manner of expressing himself - it's so obnoxious. Yesterday I texted him that I just started watching this show, "Insatiable," on Netflix. I didn't bother to look at anything else but the trailer. I thought it was funny and started the show. But he immediately retaliated with "why are you watching that low budget, white trash corny ass show. I'm sorry lol I'm just judging you rn." Like relax, fuck. First of all...I can watch whatever the fuck I want. Second of all...mind your business. You asked me a question, I didn't ask for your opinion. Maybe I'm being childish by not responding to him, but I'm sure whatever I would have to say to him would be more childish than he could handle. And I especially don't give a fuck about people who wanna judge me.
I'm about to eat the other half of the edible and die. While listening to music or watching Disenchanted because it's actually a pretty good show. I'm thinking I should definitely write about my feelings more. I've come to since understand that in this period of my life it's highly unlikely that I'll be getting intimate with anyone anytime soon. I'm very content with Lupe, Dhruv, and Shawn. And everyone else I reconnected with over the summer made it more awesome. When I'm successful, I will fulfill that promise, and I will return those favors. They donated so much to help me. I want to help them, too. There is no amount that I could pay them to return what they've done for me but I'm sure damn going to try.